Drop your pen..and stop writing!

Hey people, with a heavy heart i say to you my time is up here on blogsville...i regret this terribly but i feel like this aint for me anymore,its been a journey, well for me, because i started this blog with a broken heart and i think my questions in my very first post have to some extent been answered...like i said i was finding strength as well as finding myself...
I know it sounds hypoctritical that after all my efforts or rants towards people that have left blogsville, i have also decided to say my goodbye, not for any reason in particular, but because i have ran out of words to soothe ure needs and ure appetite..sorry..so therefore it means i have to leave it to others!

I enjoyed every moment of it...i would continue to visit as there r some people here that just can't be forgotten, but this is my very last post...Thank you for your audience guys, and for the kind words, encouraging words when i was down...also for being happy with me when things were bright....

I am as happy as ever as i write this now, because God has performed a wonderful surgery, i have been under the knives for so long, the trnasformation is superb my peoples!
Thanks once again for everything!
Goodbye!

p.s Ajike turns 22 on the 26th of July, please give God 7 Gbosa's!!!

Your Ajike for the very last time

Muah!

I'm So in Love wiv u....

I once thought i had ran mad when i began to believe that someone who i had never seen loved me enough to die for me, I once thought these people were raving mad when they told me that you loved me unconditionally. I laughed so hard when ild be in your prescence and see these weird people speaking to someone they had never seen b4, these things i found amusing. They would wail, jump, shout,..... to me this was all drama, but i joined sometimes, even did mine in style but conscious not to do anything that would make people think am weird..i mean all they did was comedy to me....

So many times, you would give me a chance to come closer, but i just didn't have your time..i was too busy protecting my image, and satisfying my selfish desires..but still you would say the word come!...and ild still say hold on, not just yet...or i would come and then run again..but u would still say come..haaaa....why r u so loving?..why? despite all i might have done, you still give me a chance!..what kind of love is this?

What have i done that you love me this much? each time i have cried, you have wiped my tears, each time i have been friendless, you have been a friend, each time i was hurt, you have been my healer, each time i have been ashamed you have covered me with your holiness.....each time i have paniced..you have whispered with your soothing voice..be still!

Several times, i have been ashamed to do as you please for fear of rejection...or because i believe so much in you and the world of today find that very weird "religious they call it"...but you have not been ashamed of me, but have still loved me unconditionally

For all those times, i have given up, i say thank you for helping me carry on, for all those times i have gone away from your prescence, thank you for accepting me back and giving me another chance, for all those times i have crucified christ once again, pls have mercy on me, for all those times you have saved me from my adversaries, i say thank you for saving me..

You know what, i aint afraid to love you no more, i aint afraid to be called a weirdo because of you, i aint afraid to loose it in your prescence, i aint afraid to walk this walk with you now because your love is Agape!..its real and different from any kind of love here on earth

You are the reason am here, its because of you i breathe, you are the purpose of my existence, you created me for a simple reason-to serve you.... i am here on a temporary assignment, i accept i am work in progress.....here is just a little piece to say am in love with you and i aint ashamed no more!

Enough of the one leg in and one leg out...lets walk this walk together!-Father

Confused.com

I don't know but just quite recently, i have yet again been feeling a bit skeptical about so many things, may be, what if?, am not in the right direction...am just so confused right now, i seemto get a bit confused and feel like something will go wrong the next minute and i am drained and so sad!!!

i get this mixed emotion, like am happy this minute and sad the next, not quite sure what exactly i fear but am just confused.ok my thoughts:

Spirituality:
feels like, everyday am worried that, i might upset God in a way and he would turn his back or keep a distance, the constant need to speak the truth at all times and not tell a lie without feeling guilty or i have to forgive this person despite the horrible things they have done to me just cos am meant to love my neighbour as myself.i mean i feel like God expects so much from us and i can't keep up with it..i pray for the grace everyday but it feels like i keep asking for forgiveness everyminute. and this discourages me...

Friends.
hmm, at the beginning of this year, i was complaining about not having enough friends that i could count on, ok now its July and am like , they are just so many now and i have to keep them satisfied..eventhough you can't satisfy everyone at the same time, but thats the point i hate getting people upset, cos this guilt of not being at peace with someone keeps bugging me....am just not sure...ok are they real friends or just aquaintances, who knows?..when things are bad will they stick around?....i mean i feel like i spend more time pleasing my friends than actually pleasing me, is that a good thing......

Partner
what if he wakes up one morning, and he tells me he is sorry.......sorry about what?, sorry he can't be with me anymore?...what will happen...well nothing?, except that i will be very hurt..ok so is he the one?....am i really sure he is who he is and not living a double life.....u never know these things, i think i need to stop watching too many home movies..especially nigerian ones, cos now am getting scared!!!....

Career
am i in the right part?...i hope am not doing this just because ma and pa wants me to do it...what if thats not what i want to do, do i even want to settle down in Nigeria self, do i even know what i stand to gain by moving back finally in February!!!...hmmmm...ok i think o, i think i want to be a chattered accountant but am just wandering why i can't think of anything else to do, maybe am just too lazy!!!!

Finance:
why must i be prudent in my spending, why can't i afford to buy whatever it is i want?...why can't i go into my account everyday of my life and find money in there at all times and able to meet all my various needs?, why must there be a credit crunch?, why do i need to go through some hard times at some certain periods self....

Taken for granted
i feel like sometimes people take my kindness for a weakness, i feel like people just want and want and want and they never want to give back..i thought life was give and take...all the time, people want you to always be available whenever they need you, but they are so busy and uptight when you need them..why?....i think am going to have to learn to start saying no, regardless of what it might cost me!!!...although we are meant to do things for people not expecting back but why?????.........

Death
so many people are dieing this year and it scares the living day light out of me, i really don't know what ild do, if i lose someone so dear to me, i don't even want to call names, cos the thought of it alone leaves me traumatised...Jesus take the wheel

Blogging
Don't really know if i want to do this anymore?...i mean i have met wonderful people on here, but are they real?..or am i just deceived bymere words..do people actually add thier two kobo advice just because they want you to visit thier blog, or do they comment because they see your point and want to encourage you...i mean i don't know, i might be chatting gibberish but these are my thoughts....

i just wanna go home jo...countdown to 9ja has begone, i think i need a change of environment!!!!

Hello!!!!

Flash Back

I remember when i was younger and i felt so ugly both on the inside and on the outside, especially as i grew up, i was one of those kids that never wanted to mix, was always shy, i mean looking at my baby pictures now, i was so cute, like totally and everyone loved to carry me around, but as i grew older, hmm, i had to come to terms with what the people of the world termed beauty, dressing, hairstyle, everything, insecurities about how i was percieved began to grow strong and i lost the plot......... and then this time, i had to go to secondary school and my parents Thought it a good idea to cut my hair as it would help me focus on my studies and not chase boys..RUBISH..lol

i went to one of the posh high schools you can think of in Nigeria, when the girls made thier hair or packed thier hair beautifully for socials or whatever, i had to just watch, while i was dressed in 5mins, they probably took ages..i mean it was ridiculous to put make up on or big loop earrings, with the hideous really low cut my mum and dad made sure i had before i resumed school, gosh each time i looked in the mirror, i felt so bad that i found it totally hard to mix, sometimes i would have punk on, or whatever sha, and even when i thought i had cut some fabulous hair cut, i would get to school and realise i looked funny...."ahhh mum and dad thank you o". It had a big inpact on my personality as although people looked at me like a no nonscence girl, as in the boys just never dared to mess with me..lol..but my social life was zero!

I was quiet, never went for any of thier so called parties or thier miserable awards night that you already knew who would win...hiss!..lol...when the girls were ditched by the boys or beaten especially in ss3, i laughed so hard and i was glad i was not one of the social butterflies..lol...but sometimes i just wanted the attention i won't lie...i told my self so much i was ugly!


I started to get really conscious of things as i grew older, finally my parents allowed me to start making thread in ss1, omg, they never agreed that i at least put on some xtentions, they were very principled!!!!!!!...lol,.. did i have to make thread to go to school, lol, you need to see those pictures, buhahaha!...looked like a total freak...buhahahaha!....ok so i graduated left for college, and again went to another posh college, i was just so shy and it had a lot of effect on me, i had complex, was always conscious of things around me...and what blew it for me, was the day my very close friend came to tell me that night that some girls had said the first day i walked in to college that i was ugly..omg..i cried so much and it hurt me real bad..ok they have finally comfirmed my thoughts......, yes i told myself, indeed i was not it.....i mean the clothes i wore..lol, funny they were cute to me but not acceptable by my so called "peers "...now am like whatever i was growing up, is it my fault they started using make up or knowing grown up things at the age of 3?...pulease!!..lol

I laugh when i bump into my old school mates or people from back in the days and they are like...mehn Ajike you have changed, everyone is like have you seen Ajike now?.....lol...and i laugh so hard, or when i get one of these random emails from some of my friends or guys from back in the days and they are like, babes wow, wow, you have Grown!.....hmmm...you look great. or ok, those humans that said behind my back that i was ugly have now said to me..."oh oh, you are beautiful", buhahaha......hiss!........Although i still get embarrassed when people tell me i am eventhough i know i am!!! "yes kill yourself"..lol, and that's the reason for my VANITY, yes i am very vain..but these nice words make me shy because it took me so long to believe it..........

Especially, God tells me everymorning that i am beautifully and wonderfully made, can you beat that?...any of you blogsville down for a beauty contest?..lol...i hear its blogsville idol 2008 going on right now, maybe we should do blogsville beauty 2008..lol..i know i am beginning to sound a bit eeky...but you know what read my lips or better still read my lines......."Whatever"!!!!!!!!!!..lol
Have a fab weekend guys..and i hope you feel just as beautiful as i do!...muah!

This God sha!!

...mehn ohhh, exams are over and am i glad like gladdis, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! like freeman......its been a journey, i thought i was going to breakdown at some point, but na lie, "iro ni wo pa"...i de like dele...lol...."don't know did you guys ever crack back in your secondary school, like those stupid dry rhymes...e.g....chest it like morris chestnut....or why are you farting is your name fatima..or see your big head, you be edward..or your big nose, you be nosa...and if you had a big eye they would call you irene....mehn serious jokes, i kinda miss high school...lol...anyways that aside!

Now my testimony......."bear with me, it is very long i know, but it's for God"

People the month May was a turbulent month for me, not just for me but my family as a whole, we went on a ride, only that this ride wasn't pleasurable, it was worse than going on indiana jones...imagine a prophesy came, not just from one source o, i mean from our pastor and another man according to my mum, they said pa was going to die one particular day, and when my mum told me, the thought alone made me cry, what would i do?, i started to point out and tell God the reasons why i didn't want my father to leave now...while pa decided to stay at home on the day he would have passed, everyone was fasting and praying, pastors came to pray, i mean it was either my dad or my brother according to the prophecy.....just that same day, was when my ma recieved a call from Canada about her son, and how he was in detention because he went to harrass some people for his friends to get back thier money and in the process, someone called the police and claimed they were thieves who came to buggle...imagine

Mumsi was mad, remember my post about Emotional Bag now?...mehn that woman is strong.....I pray i turn out to be like her when i have my own family, she dey pray, me i dey pray o, but that woman dey pray...wetin?.....sometimes i just feel its because of her, some good things happen to me!...anyways we were all so worried at this point, what was going on, very weird things were happening,pa was also getting threat calls and all sorts..but we were stong for each other and just believed that things would be fine, especially when you have God, what more can you ask for...He is mysterious, if you dare to wonder how God works you would probably end up in the psychatric hospital.....so don't try!.....just believe

On thursday i went back home from school after studying like usual, and then i wanted to change my sim card to the contract sim, so i could make calls, i normally put the sim on top of my battery before i put on the cover, been meaning to get a new phone for it, but i just couldnt be bothered, especially because i had been really busy and i was expecting some money from home "yes o, i still depend on my parents,..lol, no vex".....anyhoo i realised it wasn't there, o my days i had misplaced it.....i had no credit on my order sim, no money, i mean my bank account was saying -£5, lol.....ok so i text my friend who set up the contract to block the sim since i couldn't find it...so she did
Ok now, woke up in the morning, was meant to go to school to study, but i did not, no money to go to school, money from home still had not cleared, but i was hopeful, cos mumsci had told me that it would by saturday......i noticed my phone had not been ringing,no calls since morning, not even form my colleagues or papi, or my friends sha, someone would have called, but the fone was silent which made me get worried....... i mean, its very weird, so i tried dialing out and i cudn't dial out as well...ahn ahn what is going on?...so now i couldn't recieve calls and i couldn't make calls, i was a bit uncomfortable about it, especially because i wasn't sure the money would clear which means i might not be able to go for my exams "the fear and thought of that alone, just made me shake"

I left my house o, went to off licence to beg for phone to call T.mobile and ask them why my phone was not recieving or making calls, which i would never do, but mehn i just had to...i called tmobile, no luck, they said i should wait till 9pm and this was just 6pm oh, so am supposed to wait here or come back to this place again to ask for fone abi..i just went home...it started to dawn on me the consequences and things that could go wrong, if my money didnt clear before monday when my exams would start, couldn't speak to anyone on the fone, the useless fone had just refused to work....... to maybe lend me till then, so i can go for these exams, at that point i knew i was stranded, i just started crying!

ok went home, i couldn't read anymore my mind was lost, i was just crying continuously, i was in a world away, i went to knock on my neighbours door to ask him for his phone to call customer service, i called and in the process finished his credit whilst waiting for my turn on the queue *i hate that phone service nonscence they call operations*...dude was like sorry there is really nothing more i can do in the weirdest of accent, although he was polite and very nice...another sorry again just made me cry more!...eeh am in big soup i thought..

so i got back into my house, and i wept throughout the night, i was so fraustrated, cos mehn this is serious yawa, so its because of money now that i won't be able to write exam, i started to pray, i was begging, rolling, am not joking o, talking to myself, asking God questions, the most painful thing is i couldn't speak to anyone..... but i just didnt want to fail these exams for a stupid reason..because of money..."ta lo fe gbo iyen"..who wants to hear that..if i dare to tell my father that, he would just give it to me hot, so u mean you don't have money..you don't save or what?

Sha, i was restless, didn't sleep at all thru out the night, it was saturday...i ran to cash point as soon as the day was bright..mehn money wasn't there o!...hey....more tears, am sure blood came out at some point..lol....i started getting desperate at that point, although i had tried contacting my friends on the internet at a cybercafe with the last coins on me.."no internet yet at home" but there was no way they could get back to me if they even wanted to help.....looked into my wallet, saw some miserable 5ps, went into the shop to change it and it was enough to speak to someone for a minute...so who would i be sure would pick up...who would always pick up thier fone..i just scrolled through my fone and i prayed to God to make that person pick up and not voicemail machine.....and he did....with tears in my eyes and my shaky voice,i asked him to call me back on the pay phone, and he did, he is my colleague at school who on no circumstances would i ask him for money, but i had to let my ego and pride because i was desperate...mehn!...chei?

he was like...i was lucky he was at a friend's place at that moment cos when he had tried to call me back, he realised he didn't have credit anymore, so he was using his friends land line to call back that payphone!....mehn....after so much lamentation, although i didnt ask him directly, he some how asked..so do you want me to help, and i was like yes please in a shameful voice, arrrrg, i hate asking people for money, am sure no none does though!.....he asked me to describe my house adress so he could come and give me some money to top up my oyster card, so i would be sure to go for the exams....and then he mentioned that on thursday after our group study, i had left my sim card and he took it home for me and he tried calling me but he cudnt get through..imagine....
i dropped, went home to wait, i was still panicing, what ifs, what if he didnt come, what if he can't find the place, would he really come?....i waited, 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am,12pm 1pm,..it felt like forever blogsville, i sat at my balcony looking into the streets, hoping i would see him stroll through..but no, 2pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, more tears and tears, i had stopped reading since Friday,ahh, mehn it was not looking good at all!.....finally i see him from afar and i started to cry more..thank you Lord, thank you Lord, God you are faithful.......i hear the buzzer, i wish you were there the way i screamed silently in my heart as i got in the lift to open the main door, normally you could buzz the person in, but mehn i ran downstairs to open the door....

I used his phone to call tmobile..and i was told to try inserting my sim in another phone..i used his, and it was working...so it was the stupid fone that had reached its life cycle...hisss, he gave me my contract sim, so i called my friend to help me unblock it, since i had found it..as soon as she did imagine my useless fone started working...i think the problem was because i usually swap sims on the same fone, blocking the contract sim, also blocked the phone, preventing me from recieving calls or making calls using my normal sim card...i was speechless, imagine this whole dramma, he gave me some money sha to top up my oyster at least pending when Nigeria Bank money transfer clears ...hiss!...lol

God, at that point it felt like i had been released from prison, so many things could have gone wrong!..the money finally cleared on Tuesday..imagine..what would have happened if that call had gone to voicemail, even if i had left a message, how would he call me back to get my adress?....if he wanted to help, i mean i can't leave a message saying, bring the money to so so and so place...i would have been distabilized, i would have missed my exams for a stupid reason, maybe i would have finally thought about something that would mean chopping insult!......

God saw me through everything....my brother is fine and out, everything clean...he has been vindicated...Dad had lived many more days after that day, and still living......everything is well, my exams were fabulous, isn't it enough to thank God...so many other wonderful and surprising things are taking turn in my life and am thankful..."is it really me"...hmm, people make no mistake about it o, God is Real!...hold on to him..i mean we are not perfect but he would perfect us when we show that we need him!

my peoples how now?.....so exams are over now o, many more posts awaits publishing....p.s what is this new trend, people saying sorry they have to stop blogging...."ema je kin ba yiin ja o?..don't let me fight you o!..yes u, soups...lol.......cocco?...hmm..ok o..the rest of you better not try it..what would i feast on then!..lol....

p.s...word of advice if you don't have a phone line or internet in ure home..read my lips...get one!
..someone from "shomolu" lagos visited my blog...lol...i find that amusing..feedjit weldone!...and i and sabira went to the same high school....FREAKY!!!

your Ajike!

Make no mistake about it...God is Real!!!

The only supernatural being whose ways are a mystery..watch out 4 my testimony..........

Happy as Larry!..lol

Hello Blogsville..i am Ecstatic..u know when you are just so happy and you don't know why?..my exams are staring at me in the face!-am sure u guys are bored of this exams exams thing..."e ni binu ni o-u no go vex o!"...lol..like i can't wait mehn, so much cruise to catch, i mean so much to do, weddings, travellings, more posts to publish on blogsville...... i mean am off to naija in July, so much catching up with my friends...like seriously...God is awesome"!..my mums gone,*sob sob*....she's amazing!

hmm, this Feedjit thing is lovely..i love it, love it, love it..as in hmm, some one or people from a particular location have been consistent, they maybe the reason i started blogging in any case...lol" i can see you!!!!!......... and am loving it,as in am loving it..hmmmm!..interesting.lol, lol.....yes that's one of the purposes of this blog aside from the fact that its a therapy for me...it's for reading isn't it?..lol..mehn serious trips!

And this leaves me with the true fact that am happy i started blogging and met wonderful people like you..blogsville....u give me something to smile about......all of you, jarria, soupa soupa..lol, lg, s.chic, aloofar, charizard and butter!, sha, sabira, yankeebabe, oluwadee, tintin,platinum diva-only God knows where that one is!, believer,standtall,platnum diva, ms emotions,my sister azoomi"she's my sister for real, i aint playing", bllk wolf,tiffanycaselady,pink satin, nice anon-where is she?, shalewa. naija boy, chigrace,allied, free flowing florida, zena,minky, naijababe, cocoa brown, solo,lady A, aloted..and the one's am getting to know...keep your interesting posts rolling aight, i love reading them

i have met so many people,wonderful people these past few months, in church, school,randomly and am all over and not confined to a particular group, i am a free woman, free and blessed......lol....... i look back at my life a couple of months back, when i decided to start blogging, not that blogging performed the miracle, well to an extent but the change is tremendous,and i aint afraid no more.....the burden and pains have been lifted!!!....pheeeew

And now am thankful for the wonderful friends, family and people that God has blessed me with!, the true people, who take you just the way you are,not "fair weather" friends,not the one's you are unsure what thier purpose in your life is oooo, but true friends, amazing family, people that you know you can rely on, people that add value.....i am just as fabulous...wow June looks great already!!!!..i am indeed finding strength!

I am off to read jare..."ema ko ba mi"-don't put me in trouble!

laters!

RIP- Aisha Saibu

Why did you have to leave so soon?, life has only just begone. You were about to enter med school so i heard but did a car crash have to take your life?...i Can't question the doings of the Lord, because he has taken you to a greater place,far away from this wicked world, better than the storms we have to go through........ i was your friend in High school and you showed me that there are people in this world who still had some good in them!

Now you are gone, but not forgotten, when i heard you were gone on the 23rd of May, i asked myself so many questions as i went home on the train, and it made me count my blessings one by one, anyone could leave this world any minute, of what difference am i........ so we have to make the best of what we have left, am sure you did, because you were an angel, that's why i am not worried about where you are now

Rest in Peace my dear friend, not that i was any closer to you in anyway, but when i heard you were gone, something in me just couldn't take it, it gave me a long hard thought, i couldn't believe it...and i still haven't......

Rest in peace my dear friend, may the Lord be with your family and give them strength to go through this painful times......

Sun re!!!!!

I am Tired!

ahhhh, God it feels great to come on blogsville sometimes, just to chill from all the books,books , books and crazy things i have to deal wiv right now, gosh mehn can the 11th of june come already, like exams done with. :-(

Meanwhile, my new location and hot spot is at my college o, as in the study area or the library.... i spend virtually the whole day there from Mon-Fri, as in am tired, i have to be so done with this ACCA by December,as in i aint playing........ even at that, these preys won't stop giving me jokes, ild leave you with this one! (charizard this is for you-update, call it whatever)

What kind of person meets you for the first time and starts off by asking you if the lip stick you use is a special kind of lipstick?....

And then goes on to say that they have been seeing you around and wondered why your lips were so different...orisirisi

And then tells you its beautiful and can they have some of those lips if no one is having them?

Can u imagine?..Lips, lips, lips..what is it with Lips....psheeeew!!!!

Or what about another guy that asked me how i would feel if i got a job in a top management role, with mad pay, that required me to be at the board?..like seriously is this dude for real?...so what's that supposed to mean now!...and so is that supposed to make me date you!....psheew

I guess that's the way people toast people these days ....Lord have Mercy

seriouisly what is it with these kind of men!..haaaa


Geez, can a sister have some rest!

p.s...mummy is here for just a week to give her daughter moral support b4 the exams..i love my mummy!, at least ild run home to food for a while...*wink*

i have so much to tell you guys, but ild spill the beans after exams

*Can someone pls correct me if am wrong....."If you haven't heard from some of your friends in like a month or two, and there is no reason why you shouldn't have...... you know the one's you used to classify as friends!....does that mean they don't care?...and is that enough reason why you shouldn't bother with them, especially when you have tried all you can and it seems like you are forcing them...u dig?...like seriously something in me is telling that am being selfish , and something is telling me am doing the right thing by staying away!

Just another Day

Sleeping in my room one morning, i heard people coming into my flat with loads of Boxes, these people won't stop, they were moving things into my flat. My house was getting filled up with loads of bags and random things sha. i opened my eyes just a litttle bit and realised they were my cousins along with thier friends moving in, they didn't even say anything to me, i didn't bother to get up because i was too tired to be asked and it didn't click yet

Now the whole house was starting to get filled, beds, bags, buckets, fridge, as in are these people for real?, first of all, how did they get the keys?, who told them they could come and live with me?, what inpetus (in soupa's terms).....as in i was dazed!..and then next my mum comes in with my brother and my aunt..expecting to find her as surprised as i was, she blotted out that she knew about it and i better accommodated them because this one came from yankee, this one did this, this one did that, bla bla bla

I say to her, but mummy it's only a one bedroom, first how can you not tell me?, secondly this whole place is choked up, i have got exams coming up soon, i need to read, i won't have my privacy?, i would have to sort out keys and everyother thing that comes with strangers living with you?.....she replies, u call them strangers?..hmm. At this point my brother was laughing, but seriously nothing was funny..then i decide to get up, fully awake, and check what these people were even doing....imagine they had the audacity to move my things just to create space..are these people high?, i just flipped, as in i was angry, burnt, grilled, fried, toasted..lol..and you guess right...... she flipped back, she starts to call me all sorts of names, selfish, inconsiderate, self absorbed, self centered, wetin she no call me o...

I stormed out of the house, couldn't take it anymore, i ran down the stairs, these people were still moving stuff into my flat, wait a minute, is my house some sort of storage?, the one that pained me the most was the fact that these people ignored me o, as in their own was to move in shaaaaaaa

I go back in again and i hear mummy telling my aunt and brother that am just a drama queen, she abused me ehn, i just started crying, sat down to listen to more, i couldn't believe my mum was doing this, i interrupt her, cos i couldn't take it anymore, ahhh my blood vessels starts to contract, i start to cry more and more, and say to her "mummy you do this all the time", she asks me to shut up and not interrupt her, that she cannot understand why i always have to be different and difficult, that if it were to be my brother he would have been more understanding *yeah right*, and moreover dad got the house for me so i had no choice but to listen to her...

I told her she was always partial when it came to my brother, so i wasn't surprised, that she treated him differently, my brother decided to join and tells me to shut up *imagine someone am older than, hmm, although its just a year but so what?, 365 days is no joke at all*....he abused me o,telling me that i had no respect and i was just a pitty case..... both of them just started chanting words on my head, how much of a selfish being i am, it was rather deep, because they even came closer and started saying things like "if you like cry blood*, yes u deserve it....i was pained, i couldn't take it anymore, this isn't the first time i have felt a gang up!..i hated them that very minute, all i just wanted to do was runaway and never see them again

I left thier prescence, my aunt starts to beg me, i start packing, as the tears rolled down my eyes, i was thinking far, i didn't know where i was going to , but i was going, going away from all this madness, what kind of unfair thing is this, as i continued to pack, i could still hear thier voices...abuses, insults upon insults.......

i start to hear "Gongo Aso", i ignore it and then it gets louder, louder, even more louder, where is it coming from?, psheeeeeeeeeeew, my phone,OMG IT WAS A DREAM!, i was dreaming people imagine, woke up with a banging headache, what was that all about?, still a mystery to me!, i reject all these in Jesus name!

Imagine!!!!!

Whats puvving people?, my exams are in just two weeks...but i know it is well!

Mr ITK...."I too know"!!!!

Ema gba mi ke *save me o*..see me see wahala. ok so i was at a friends lil do some time ago..so i met this guy i was sort of chit chating with, and then somewhere along the line Mr itk decides to ask a Question....

Mr Itk: Hum.... Ajike by the way, do u have a boy friend?

Me: Yes i do, why?


Mr ITK: No, nothing major, am just asking..is he here, as in this country?


Me: *i start to stutter cos i hate telling people papi is in 9ja, cos the way they react ehn!*...um um, Nope is in 9ja


Mr Itk: *Rolls eyes, left, right,front,back*....*giggles*...oh seen, ok one of them long distance is it?


Me: *oya kill yourself now*.....um um, yeah sort of but he only just went back home in December..we have been together here for like almost five years sha...*i know slow down don't chop me raw abeg, he didnt ask how many years but i just had to say that jo!..teeheee*


Mr Itk: *takes it personal o, i mean the whole body language, the bobo wan start to dey cry..imagine!..taking panadol for another man's headache*....ehn don't go and be decieved o, let me tell you something, 5 years is no guarantee o, i mean look what happened to the twin towers in US, it was probably built in many years and look how quick it got destroyed...take a chill pill mehn!

Me: *shwoooo!....*what does twin towers have to do with me and papi....whats my own!*...ok Mr thanks for your contribution oooo


Mr Itk: haba, don't take it personal now *smiling sheepishly*. i was just saying cause the way you said the 5 years..hmmm, with all those wild naija babes on the loose, desperados and things....i mean am sure your bf is a man and has blood running through his vains..*laughs again*


Me: *ti mo ba fo e leti -if i slap u*.....ahhh personal ke?..no o, i know these things too!..

Gosh, people i was so burnt..can u imagine the Nicompoop, telling me Gibberish...Besides my friend said he was heart broken by his ex.....so thats probably why dude is bitter..so is that why he is taking it out on me!!!...oshiralaga oshirabogos!!!!


I saw Mr itk recently and he goes....hmm, madam how's our 5 years relationship going?..Abeg Help!!

Just a side off..imagine in one yoruba movie o....someguy asked a girl to turn her front so that he can see her "Tuface"*referring to her boobs*...as if that was not enough he says she should turn her back so that he can see her "idibia" referring to her *Bum*......Orisirisi!...which one is the Tuface Idibia again!....LOL!...i told one my friends who isn't Yoruba this and she thought i made it up, can u imagine?

I mean am not that razzzzz...lol

How are u guys though?

oh no!!!..ive been tagged

I was tagged by jarrai

The rules:Link the person(S) who tagged you to this post
Mention the rules in your blog
Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Six quirks about me

I can't stand the sound of counters, iron, cutleries,pots,pans being scratched together or Gosh you know when like someone is trying to get burnt stuff off a pot, it drives me up the walls, my teeth starts to shock me, its crazy even the sound of a chair made out of steel being dragged around makes me loose it..arrrrg!

Hmm this is hard for me to say, i find it embarrassing but deal with it ok!!..lol...Too much milk makes me err err err err..fart fart fart fart, all over the place like ild have a running stomach all day, and trust me you don't want to be around when i release one of my explosives..it stinks..Gosh i can't believe what am doing..like u don't fart too!...hiss...And u know the funny thing i just can't help it..i love Milk, i put so much in my Cerelac, Cereal, Golden mourn *is that how it's spelt*, Custard..hmm, i love it creamy!!!..whatever yes am a baby..oya kill yourself now!!!..lol

I am so vain, i mean i could have walked outta my house, locked my door and decide i need to go back to make sure everything is on point..my hair, how my top stays on my body, my shoes, accessories and whatever..like it drives papi up the walls anytime i do the "let me check again"..or i pass by what looks like a mirror and i just can't help it but to check again!....Vanity upon Vanity!!!!..lol

I start to speak Grammar when am angry and pissed, even the words i never say on a normal day, and then my intonations change, it's funny. i really don't know why i do that though!..hmm the big big english ehn, go fear u self!..lol...i start to fone!!!...lol....dictionary words that i hate to use become very useful!...and am such a cry baby..i cry over the most stupid things...for example i cried the other day, just because i had locked myself out of my house with my keys in there!..psheeeew

Ok i love the smell of sand, dust, the aftermath of rain, i love chalk, anything sandy and dusty..well not the really disgusting dirts o abeg, i am clean..i mean like , ok whatever, i understand what am saying sha..na u know!..am weird like that!!!

Finally...oooohs!....i get sick when i travel long distance, i start to feel like throwing up, At home, when we have to go on long journeys, my mum would have to carry along towels, bowls. buckets just to have me throw up in them on our way and we would have to stop after a while so i can get fresh air..i hate it..arrgggg....travelling sucks..especially on our way to villa!..i just feel so sick!..i still do now, but not as bad as it was b4, may be cause now am in jd and most journeys are shorter..unlike naija where ild have to go to the village by road...*sigh*

so there u go!!!..If u are not pleased with any of my Quirks then peace to u and the middle east!!!..LOL

i tag soupasexy, the perfectionist, tininu, weirdbabe, tiffanycaselady, Tintin!!!!

Emotional Bag

I know i said i may not be putting anymore posts up until after exams..well the word is May!!!!..and not Will...whatever!.....How are u guys doing?

Well Ajike was bright and good until last night when my mum calls me sobbing on the fone

Mummy: Hello Ajike, How are u?

Ajike: Am fine o, u sound down whats wrong?

Mummy: ahhh its your brother again o....u know i told u ure sister dreamt he was arrested?

Ajike: ehen so

Mummy: ahhh your brother has been in detention since last week o, thats why we haven't been able to get to him, he was arrested for fighting with someone...

Ajike:..eeeh what is always wrong with this boy now, i hope he is fine

Mummy: shey fine lan so ni *is it fine we are saying* abi he should not be deported, Your father broke down last night o, he wept, cos he was going on about your brothers carrer going down the drain and how all will be wasted

Ajike: eeeh God, OMG

Mummy: *sob* *sob*.....i have cried and cried and am just praying looking unto God, we are praying for him, so join and pray too...ok, don't let it bother you o

Ajike: *eee no it won't bother me*..i thought in my mind....mummy, it is well...*sniff sniff*..i just hung up and broke down

Not like anything o, am just so worried, like i mean i have witnessed this happen to people around me, but not my own brother...detention ke?..i have cried out my eyes, infact if you see them now they are like scotch egg *don't laugh its not funny jo*


So i can't concentrate when i try to read, i have prayed, prayed, cried, slept, what even makes it worse is that am alone.....well i don't need any other person right now to add to my already complicated life as it is!!..psheeeeeeeeew

But i am hopeful and praying that my brother will come out of this asap and the whole family can be at peace, cos mehn i hate the state ma and pa are in right now!

anyhoo, speak to u later!!!!


xxx

Oops...Sorry Ajike does not give a Toss!

..Right..am at work at the moment *don't mind me o, no be serious job like that like that o"..lol..but yeah am at work..its kind of Admin and Adhoc duties i do as partime...not bad sha but yeah some more money wouldn't do anyharm...yeah by the way, my appreciation goes to the few fellas that stop by to read my ramblings, very nice of you and u even bother to leave a comment as well ignoring whether 100 people or even none may have commented or not buhahaha!, am i trying to say something?...another tory for another day....., you guys are all sweeties!..Tainx!

Anyways to the koko of this post...ehen, this facebook thing, i may have to agree with my HARD BABE tintin!..lol..... is causing me a lot of distraction, mehn i have to read jare, am going off temp as soon as we get into may, like May isn't here already!!!..lol,different tatafo work, plus the one you don't want to do self,you would sign in and if one of your friends don't put some random, status up that makes you ponder over for a while, especially when u may think it was sending an indirect message to you , they would write some funny thing on other's walls or put up pictures,or even write a note, as in facebook is full of drama or your friend called you up some days before complaining about what A did and blablabla and how they are going to either deal with them or how they won't speak to them, u know how we girls can yarn, and then the next day, they are sulking up on thier walls or they say they don't like someone and they have added them, and your tatafo skills just gets better and better everyday...lol..anyway that aside!

So i signed in today, and my friend, put up a status which said, all her friends are given seven days to pick up thier stuff from her house if they had any, that she was doing spring cleaning otherwise it would be chucked out..err ok, me i have my books, my bible and i may have some other stuffs there still, cos i had stayed at hers one time when i was homeless!...lol..anyways so facebook too is a place to send those kind of messages, ok o, thats interesting..didn't know that though!..lol..we even have a dead line date!..oga o..not a big stuvs,

Ehen i have this new attitude..not sure if its a good thing but its growing and am scared ajike may have no feelings anymore..lol, but these days when it comes to friends, am like whatever!...as in can't be bothered, i mean i care about some so much, they are very dear to me, ild call them family...... i won't say who they are, because they may be reading this, and i don't want anyone going on thier high horses..lol..anyways Ajike is now so confident it's unbelievable, i feel like i have grown up a bit more, i let some things go more than i used to and i move on quickly when it comes to "friends"..as in if they piss me off or do anything that annoys me, i let it slide and push them as far as i can...i don't even feel a thing!..like seriously, i don't even explain to them if they are not in my "you are family group"..maybe i don't give a toss anymore!..in fact too many friends is too much load for me to carry, as in can u imagine ild have to buy birthday presents for them, go for any party they are having, and spend more money, i have to borrow them money when they need...lol.am joking ooooo.....but yeah my family is fine..i mean ild call or text to say hey but mehn that's as far as it goes!!!!

Ok, people, Gosh i have exams in a bizzle...pray for me ok, i need to pass them, i know i will sha, cos i have started studying, so i may not be puting any posts up until after the exams, which would be in June!..."not like u lot are bothered"..well for information sake then..teehee!.....lol...but i won't miss visiting my sweeties to see what they have got going on sha,hope u guys week has been great so far?..has God been faithful like he has to me!..i hope he has!

L8er!!!!!

A confused Cousin of mine

Isn't it just funny that sometimes guys get away with almost everything, especially when it comes to the issue of women, relationships, cheating and all the things associated with the female!..hmm, So Tj is my cousin o, who is almost 40, and like we all know in a place called Africa you have to be married by then with your children, good job, and whatever to become really fufilled..hmm is it?

Anyways Tj is more or less like a brother who has lived with us since i was born, like you know his parents died in a car crash and mine decided to look after him and his sisters since he was about 5,he has refused to settle down o, eventhough he has brought different women to meet us on several occassions and i mean we have really bonded with these girls only for Tj to come and say he was not interested anymore.....I mean tj played around with so many girls and am sure still does, not like he was a WOW o "pardon my english", but i dunno what they saw really, they just kept coming in and sleeping over at ours, sometimes you would hear footsteps in the early hours of the morning and then he would come and introduce them to us as his girlfriends, all these girls felt special..and then when he turned his back, we laughed at him and pushed our nose up at him..*you know the nose thing most naija peeps do"..lol...and then he would come back and say, he didn't like them anymore and that the relationship was over, tj always had a fault in them especially after they had slept over at ours...why????

....Ok so this one time, tj brought sisi home and introduced her to us , as the one 4 real, we were really pleased for him, as in this was it, tj was getting married soon, sisi seemed like a very nice lady, i mean we all loved her including ma and pa, she called me once in a while and all, and u know bonded with the family, they wore the same clothes to our family stuvs or anything sha, everyone loved sisi o...just after few months, when introduction was to be planned, sisi comes and says her mother had gone to meet some "BABA" somewhere and they said the marriage will not work.."err excuse me young lady we don't do baba here, we do the Almighty", that they are incompatible..ok the next we know it, tj too says he is not interested that sisi has a bad history and that all her escapades at uni days have been exposed..she was in a cult, she was a bad girl, bla bla bla....and then sisi starts to ring pa up saying, his son tj was owing her a lot of money she wanted back, that she had helped him in many ways..ok that one went o, pa had to pay sisi because tj refused and we didn't want any troubles!!!..that was history o

...Another Time again o, tj met omoge at his working place and apparently it was love at first sight, he again got fund of her, brought her home to the family, and every one was thinking, hmm, tj don come again o!!...but we supported still, i mean i never met omoge, but i heard so much about her, and she called me on the phone sometimes which i found weird but it was gravy, i liked her too, cos she was really sweet....it started to feel like this was the one, as in finally....he proposed to her o and then ma and pa went for the introduction, they took some stuff down to our to be inlaws and all..it was cool, wedding date was not fixed yet but it was fast approaching..and then this one time, tj was in in jand o, and introduced me to pupa, whom i thought was omoge, but unfortunately she wasn't...anyway as i opened my mouth to ask how the introduction went, tj spoke over me quickly, dragged me to the side and told me not to mention anything about the introduction, that he didn't want pupa to know about it..ahhhh...bros tj..."oga o".....tj even gave me some cheddar that day self..really don't know if it was a bribe..lol....but it was quite a lot, very unusual!!..i sha noticed tj and pupa, holding hands, giggling, doing some play play oshisco!!!...lol

b4 i knew it pupa satrted calling me too to say hello and all the inlaw runs, tj says i should find time to take pupa shopping since she didnt really know her way round..ok o, omoge too would call...it was funny mehn..i told ma about it and ma was like she wasnt even surprised cos when he was coming to jd, she had seen him off to the airport and that it was a different girl that was with him then..we laughed about it, and just felt he was messing around cos he knew he would walk down the aisle soon. The next call i got from my mum, was to hear that tj had called off the engagement, ma was furious, what an embarrassment, i mean pa had to cancel his trip for this introduction and now tj says he is not doing again..ok o tj why???

tj says ehn that a married friend of omoge told him that she had flings with the executives in the office, that she had a bad reputation, bla bla bla, and that in fact he was furious because omoge started telling the whole world that they had done introduction, he only wanted a small thing and not a big thing out of the wedding issue...ma was like tj would you shut up, what do u mean by all your rantings?...and then he is like ma if you people should force me to marry this girl "he said all this in omoge's prescence o" i would marry o, but i would just be leaving the house at every given opportunity, and she would suffer..at this point no one said a word anymore, we just left tj, and had to support innocent omoge who had been humiliated..i mean how would she go and start facing her friends telling them that her engagement had been called off...infact ma wanted to go and see the so called married friend that tj had claimed gave him these stories "that's if it was even true in the first place"....pa was so upset and embarrassed..i mean who wouldn't be?,,ma had to plead with these people o, more so we heard they were ijebu's hmmmm, lol.....it dragged but i think every one has come to terms with the fact that..it aint happening!!!!

Ma feels tj has offended some girls in the past and just maybe they have cast a spell on him, or is this normal?..lol...i mean only God knows the amount of girls he has toiled with and all....i personally think tj is confused or he really doesn't want to settle down..he still galivants with orisirisi females...lol....just thought about it recently because omoge still calls me up till now and accuses me of not even calling her...aww poor lady...i know she still likes tj for her to still pick up her fone and call me, but i can hardly do anything..
....you can force a horse to the river but you can't force it to drink water shebi!!!!

We are praying for tj sha...hopefully he would finally settle down!!!!

Complex

....Whilst it has been a very hectic and overwhelming weekend for me and am still trying to be the best person i can, puting everything as minor, its like all my priorities are knocking at my door and all of a sudden, am thinking, Ajike you have to get up and chase your dreams..i may have been too sluggish, but it dawned on me this weekend that am sleeping too much and i need to get up!, as in i need to be Focused..yes that's the word!..Focused...don't know what exactly it was, but i think these few days of having some time alone just splattered thoughts in my mind...thoughts worth pondering over.....

I was in church today, i saw those flashy cars driven by young girls like me, i mean people around me with Gucci bags, Fendi whatever, prada whatever or u know all those things that make you go wow and don't get me wrong, these things are affordable yeah, but to be honest they are not necessities to me, they are luxuries but it won't be a bad idea to have them, as in buy them and not think OMG my account balance is reading RED!...i see these people every sunday at church, paying thier tights,worshiping God the same way i am, as in we are in this same church aren't we?........ whilst am running for the bus, they drive pass me with thier posche, Crystler, or whatever car that makes you look twice and then am thinking, my father can afford to buy me that, but i want my own , as in my very own, i want to be able to afford all these things, i want to have a very good job, i want to be very successful at what i do and love it with a passion!, i want to be independent and maybe just then i won't be bothered about friends that give me different vibes everyday...instead focus on the very ones that give me joy

i personally don't think what makes a man successful in life is by what they wear, or have, or what they do that makes them popular or outstanding, its complicated, you have to be successful alround i think, in relationships with friends, the opposite sex, in every area of your life, you have to be hardworking, and focused..., well am still yet to find out what it means to be successful, but whatever it is , i am starting to chase it until i find it!!

..I may have been too sluggish on my part, i need more push, i need to be strong not weak, forgiving not recentful, submissive and not skeptical, i need to be a better person, i need to learn to follow my heart and not my mind, it's time to be that success i was made to be, and its starting from now..

Being 22, it's not a barrier, no excuses for failing my exams anymore, Acca is nothing, but exams that need to be passed, i haven't even been searching for any jobs although i get some jobs every now and then which isn't what i want to do, and yet i see some of my friends in thier third job since we left uni as in accounting jobs, i make excuses as to why they do and i don't....its crazy like that....they are not any different from me, all this crap about one thing, one person is not there for me needs to stop..as in STOP, i need to stop wanting people, instead ild let them want me..i need to stop making excuses for why things cannot be achievable, i need to finish everything it is i came to this country to do and leave, as in get out of here!..it's time to be Focused!!!

People help me out, tell me what success is?....

Repenting!!!!

.....I had this brief conversation recently with a girl i knew back in uni days, we never used to talk at all, as a matter of fact, she was one of those ild classify the enemy, this girl had not done anything to me oh, neither had i done anything to her, she is a girl just like myself, living her life like every normal person, making mistakes and probably learning from them too, ok maybe it was down to the fact that she moved with people that didn't like me cause of papi..*u know, all this uni rivals u often have in school*....so we never spoke and then gave each other this disgusted look once in a while, i got that many times in school, i tell you, for some very weird reasons in my life, no matter how i try to be on the low, something just makes me known by everyone,not that i was one hot stuvs like that oh, don't know what it was oh, they just didn't let me be in that school...*sigh*... so i had this thing in me when i walked the streets of university expecting to be eyed, hissed at or whispered about..lol...it was sometimes dreadful, but i also loved hearing those stories about me that i never knew i was even capable of...lol

Anyway..sorry for drifting...she also had bad things said about her too, but u know she seemed strong as always, we just never connected, just like i never connected to so many others, only a miserable hello was fine..so we messaged each other today and the conversation was worthy, i mean i never knew she was an angel..which brings me to, never judge a book by its cover, she admitted as well that all we did was hate for no reason, when we didnt even know each other, but only capitalised on the nasty things we heard about ourselves, which was so wrong..i mean just the few messages and advice she gave me about holding on to God and learning to watch peoples actions and not by what they say *as in she was talking about how decietful people can be*, and a few other advice she gave me, just made me feel really bad, cos i mean i thought about it, i didnt give her a chance too, instead got carried away by what i had heard and what people around me did to such people like that!

...It's not just this girl , i have met since i left school, i have met so many of such people like this back from university days, that i just couldn't be bothered to get to know better b4 capitalising on what they had done, or people that didn't like the sight of me for no reason....i mean i have stumbled into them unaware, maybe underground, or anywhere and we have had healthy conversations and it turned out to be that they are not who i thought they were, infact ended up getting thier number after catching up on old times we never even had in the first place...shame!

..I think ild say with this, its not really a good thing, to just hate or beef someone for no reason, i mean the fact that our close friends tell us some ridiculous stories we were not witnessed to or we some how heard some nasty stories about these people does not mean we should base our judgements on that, moreover no one is perfect....am kinda happy now though that i get to bump into random people from uni days once in a while and i can try and put things right..well there is little i can do, but i mean give them that warm reception, u know, let the past be the past...everyone is growing up!..u never know, what the future holds!

MiSsInG HiM!!!!

....Since i can't sleep right now, and the only thing that comes to my mind is this feeling, as in i miss him so much, too much infact. no one around me gives that satisfaction, i mean my friends do most times, bless thier heart, but not every one is ready to listen to your crap stories, or the very dry ones or the meaningless nagging and constant irritation of your voice, i mean, who wouldn't get tired, except the one that really loves you..lol

Papi is a very beautiful person both on the inside and on the outside, this isn't to say that he is perfect, i mean he has his flaws just like every human being does, but he is just on point for me, i mean it's like almost 5 years now..wow, i couldn't ask for anything more, even though i have been in doubt some few times, but we are coming out stronger.

So i cracked a joke with my friends today, i confess it was some idiotic joke that didn't even make sense at all, when i was telling it i knew along the line it was stupid but it was too late to stop, i just had to carry on blabbing....well the look in thier eyes was SHUT UP!....or more like zzzzzzzz..lol..On a normal day if i had told papi this, he would have laughed and seen where i was coming from, or if it wasn't funny he would have teased and been like hmmmmm!....you know...

I am not afraid to be me around papi, he laughs at all my jokes, both the funny ones and the dry ones, he is one that i know when i confide in , he doesn't tell me what i want to hear, but he tells me what i need to hear, he is one that i know will always be there for me even when we are not even talking to each other, he accepts me just the way i am!

5 years we have been together, used to doing things together,not used to being away from each other as in so addicted..and now he is in 9Ja, am back in Jd, hiss!..why is life so unfair!...lol...its been bearly three months since i last saw him, and it feels like forever, has he grown bigger?, is he taller?, fatter?, slimmer?..lol..no one to make regular tantraums with, or to play hide and seek with like bloody two year olds, no one to play jackie chan and jet li with!..buhahaha.

well yeah yeah yeah, we speak everyminute, but its not like actually spending some time together...arrrrgh.. i miss papi jare..pls no one should even do any love love or pda thing near me o! or else ehnnnnn!.....*sigh*. well no wahala sha, life must go on..i love booboo!..:-)

p.s have u heard this "lori le" song...i think am addicted..pls help!...or are u too?.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTKItFAskFI

Random!

Random 1
....Last night i was so up set about something and then later discovered it was stupid, why was i killing myself over it, i mean why do things like this get to me in the first place, am such a softie, eventhough i think that people may think am hard on the outside, trust me, far from it. So remember i said in one of my posts that i had some facebook issues with my friends...well yeah, so it happens that one of them, lets call her "fluffy" and the one that was lovingly accusing *i use the word lovingly because she seems to be really nice to me, bless her* me about the facebook stuvs,lets call her "bubbly" are into this creation now, very good business plan. So apparently they have a site for it and u can guess they would have to advertise it too, by either sending the links to friends, or anybody sha to promote thier thingy...ok so apparently i didn't even know the other person was fluffy o, i guessed anyways from thier label "i mean what they call themselves"....that it maybe fluffy. But this could be a coincidence or maybe it wasn't intentional that everyone, i mean all my circle of friends had received a message, as in wall message about thier creation, except Me, why was i excluded again, and then it made sense, oh, fluffy was the other person, don't ask me how i know,well well, let me be honest, investigations...buhahaha!..i sound like an idiot don't I?

Well i was ticked for a while and then hissed the second minute because i realised i was killing myself again, so they don't need my support, well bubbly wouldn't mind, but i just thought maybe cos of fluffy that's why bubbly didn't bother to send me any link...meanwhile i forgot to say that fluffy has blocked me from her facebook page oo, ask me how i know all these things...well ild tell u this one, my friend allowed me use her page onetime, how come i could see fluffy, but when i logged on with mine, she was gone...hmmm, people are deep, did i tell u , i sent this girl an epistle, when the whole thing happened...lol.apologising about everything, even after she didnt reply me, i felt like a fool and regreted ever sending the apology in the first place, but the only thing that kept on reoccuring in my mind was because of God....... she never replied oo, instead she retaliated by blocking me off her facebook...buhahahahaha!

So as i was saying ooo, i got a private message from bubbly today saying why didn't i support her, aspa her creation, that she thought if not for anyone, ild support her...i replied her saying i was waiting for her to send me an invitation like she did others, and said i got her back anyday...but i thought in my mind why do i have to be secretly told, why can't i get a regular message like others on thier walls about the link...ok maybe my insticts where wrong, or maybe again its Ajike being paranoid as usual, she probably forgot to send me...come off it!...but i still got mad love for bubbly because she genuinely cares and i know she does....Look, i support them withe everything in me, they are going to make it big, i know that, just because fluffy has refused to grow up, doesn't mean ild stoop so low to her level by being resentful....I am Very happy for them, i mean its a Step forward...especially because i and fluffy had talked about business plans once in the past, so am proud of her, even though we are not friends anymore!..or the incident proved that, and am glad....more like "every dissapointment is a blessing"

You know what am starting to think that, funny enough, this whole facebook wahala with my friends, revealed a lot!...hmmm...wow am like NO regrets big time!

RANDOM 2

So i called my brother this evening and he told me mumsci sent him an email, saying she had dreamt again?...hmmm, mama ajasco, mumsci can dream!..lol....she was advising him about staying away from trouble and telling him not to fight with anybody oo, although i won't lie self, my brother is troublesome ehn, as in the boy wahala too much, but i love him just the way he is, i mean who wouldn't love thier brother...lol....so from talking and blabbing...i told him that, that was how they dreamt about me the other day and said, they saw my Ghost, that i should pray o, i was scared at first but i later laughed about it and rebuked it, he was like ahhhh, ajike we must be more prayerful o, me self these days ehn bad things happens to me, i have so many wounds all over my body,am like how come, he says ahhh different ways e'g, i was eating bone the other day and it wounded my cheek, as in blood and things!..buhahahaha!,...ok again the other day someone called my phone and threatened me, calling me a p****y, repeatedly.....even when i was doing this my project i just handed in, things kept on going wrong..hmmm....me too i started lamenting that me self, that my last sitting, i mean acca, God knows i read, i mean i have never read like that b4, i even taught my friends and encouraged them in some papers and that acca was simple *aspa i gather courage now, when my last sitting b4 this one i blast well well* but i still wondered how i failed...we kept on doing hmmm, huh, hmmm on the phone......we didnt talk about any voodoo or jazz or anything o, but from where the conversation was leading, if we had stayed too long on the phone, am sure we would have started speculating that someone was after our family!!!!

When i dropped the phone i just laughed at my self, i was like "abi o ro pe awon aiye lon she yin"..meaning, u think they are doing u guys...buhahaha!..typical Nigerians, i must be crazy..although its ok to think like that once in a while but come off it....not just like that....yeah people could be after us, but y was that my first thought...lol

Meanwhile i was telling my brother that i had relented a bit in my spiritual life..which i don't really like, i mean i never miss early morning prayers, devotions, church, worship, preaching, midweek service if i can make it, but its kind of different now, its more like a ritual now, as in i can feel it, like am not as strong, i mean i don't miss my friday fasting and all, but am always quick to sin and then am like God forgive me o...but yeah i have to do something about it, p.s, i don't joke with God o, at all but i think i need to give in my all, what i have put in now, seems not to be enough!...i don't want to give excuses for this o, but mehn people are driving me to be mean, but i refuse to be a victim!

I have so much i want to blog about but ild let them pass, cause some things are better left unsaid!..or maybe when i don't have anything to blog about, i might just blog about them!

Ciao!!!!

I am Thankful....God!

...I am so thankful for so many things in my life right now, despite my imperfection, God is still faithful, He has been so good to me that i find it hard to comprehend, though trials might come but he would be there the whole time....

So i danced in church today, i mean it was a thanksgiving sunday, but it was different, i danced so much that i wasn't even bothered anyone was looking, i felt this peace within me that everything was going to be fine, it was awesome, i mean i am not faithful the whole time, but he is. You know sometimes we take for granted so many things in our lives, we think that because we are able to do certain things successfully or because we are able to pass through a day without a hiccup is because we are special..hmmm, it's not ooo, He wants it that way, that's why, its not because you are a diva......, he does whatever pleases him...for example Snow in April.......LOL

I confess am still in need of so many things in my life, like i want to pass my Acca exams and qualify by December, by his grace, i have about six papers to go, but i know he will do it, and so many other things which am looking up to God for, but he has promised, he is not a man that would lie!

I was in shambles, dissarray a couple of weeks back, but here i am standing on my two feets, as in i dey Kampe!...so happy and content, even in my inperfection...hmmmm, who dares like Him to forgive you of your sins over and over again, only Him....Regardless of who we are, he accepts us just the way we are, even humans won't do that....mehn he is all i need.

...So am thankful, thankful for everything oh Lord, sometimes i refuse to see these special things you do for me because i seek approval from men, even when you have said i should let go and let you, i have still asked if u are sure.....hmmm

Am not sure exactly which one or things in my life i am thankful for, but i am so thankful to you for being my redeemer, comforter, Jehovah Jireh, My alpha and Omega, Best friend and my everything!

I am indeed thankful!...Pheew!

All smiles!

A guy named Davida!...what the????

...i have been laughing all day, can't contain myself even though i have this crazy headache that feels like my head would soon be ripped apart, only when i was about sleeping, this text rolls in...

"Can i just say that all words are not typo, this is exactly how words were spelt..trust me no mistake"

"Guest what. u've got an stablished personlity, and i liked u on your realy natural self. Which's burning my heart. I am confident also persuade of your full package. But remember all night i could nt sleep unless i was thinking if how to fashionate and survive of our best famous and respective commitment of all sort of relation with u. Pls my heart is open to an end of u, n 4 u r my kind of flava. I do like u 2 bits, and i'll take your reign, in a proportionals maners out of drama and dylemas. Just take my promise in God never let u down. Take chance, and grant me some too, so we both find the wisdon hapiness joy of living please. my darling, dont come into an ash ritual of decision but feel free n take me 4 u, so i fixe the rest 4 u remember it is a pride to any girl who finds an interesting guy on intimite. So u r my sweet one n u r blessed, chosen. of course u r a specialour to me,
SANDRA I LIKE YOU!" ...*the name i gave him*

Buhahaha, i really don't know where to start with this guy, i met the mammal on my way home one day, and he said he was from uganda "is this what they do in uganda" or maybe this is the language they speak..lol......* i don't mean to be rude o!....he asked for my number and i insisted no that i would give him if i saw him again...And yes you guessed right, i saw him again yesterday, so he thinks this must be fate....LOL

This is why i and papi always quarell cos he says i give every tom dick and harry my number, but really some people just don't get off ure case...hisss....he finally got it and has been calling me since, what kind of nonscence is this?....by the way i have stored his number as DONT PICK!...so i never have to pick them...ooops but he could do the unknown, but ild act helllo, sorry u r breaking up!...hiss!

Does anyone have the translation to this text message, because it sounds like Greek!...
Am not looking for a boyfriend, am fine with Papi, and even if i needed a replacement which am sure by God's grace i won't...i sure don't want this kind of package!!!

Buhahahahahahahahahahah!

xxx

Dear Kofo-part 5

So i finally moved to the city, it was weird, so weird, i moved in with papi because he was my rock at that time, i was still hurting, everything was strange, i was confused, so this was it, you were no longer with me, we had really parted ways, we didn’t say a word to each other for weeks and weeks, no calls, no texts, no contacts, ild speak for myself i was missing you badly, i was itching to call you but i had to control myself because i was scared uld hurt me some more...so i did text u after a while, u replied, after a while i just decided to leave u alone because you were acting strange...so it was my birthday, i was planning this little get together thing, i invited everyone, but i didn’t invite you and your sister because i mean we had not spoken for like how many months, maybe i should have but yeah i didn’t want to hear sorry i can’t make it...so obviously you had speculated because the people i invited lived with you.


My friend calls me the day before my birthday insisting i called you because you had been at her place almost the whole day, she said you came to drop my gift and card, first of all i was upset you came to the city and didn’t stop by *ok yes after what i had done, fair enough*, secondly how could you have dropped my gift and card in a friend’s house, what does that say? To me it said a lot, i told my friend that you felt obliged to do so because i did same on your birthday even when we were not speaking, so you had to do it too or ok “am sure u have your reasons”.....so my birthday came, you called me and i was happy to speak with you, i also stressed that i was sorry i didn’t invite you because of the whole tension, and asked if you still could make it, but yeah i was expecting you to say no even, although your excuse was you had to work...fair enough!


After then, we just somehow one way or the other started calling each other again, at least to find out little things and besides you had graduated, so you wanted to come and do the same thing i was doing too, i was excited, cause your school was so close to mine, we saw each other on the same days we had lectures and we had fun, it felt almost like old times, you even said to me one day that you didn’t mind coming to stay at mine to be attending lectures, i wasn’t too pleased with that because i didn’t want us to take that route again...i even did not tell you papi was living with me so you couldn’t come, but i didn’t need to...i guess we never just spoke about it anymore, so that went aside, but we were soon becoming close again, i mean we felt the need to tell each other each time we were in school and made it a ritual to hang out...your sister soon started speaking with me too and it was all rosy..We were not as close but we were friends..
So we hadn’t seen each other for a while now because we didn’t have lectures, but when we saw each other, you particularly was excited and you screamed in a very witty way, u said you had missed me, a bit awkward but i was happy you said that, it made me feel so happy, because it was genuine, and yes i had missed you too in fact more than you could imagine.

I went home for Christmas, you were supposed to go, don’t know what happened, i had been to yours the day before i went, we all had fun with the other girls, i felt like a stranger in your midst but it was ok...and you promised to call in the morning on my way to the airport, but you didn’t..fair enough!..so i was home, i called you this day, maybe you were tired or whatever, but you didn’t sound too pleased, i was confused, but you said you would save my number and call me, but you didn’t. So i went on face book and got a message from you that said you wanted me to send my number again, that you had swapped Sims and in the process misplaced my number, not sure if that was the truth, but i was upset and i din’t reply, i was stupid, maybe i thought we were still best friends and expected more, i forgot in your sisters words “friendship had changed”.
I didn’t call you anymore, i was home for almost three months, yes i was wrong, i admit, i got back and i still didn’t call you, i had called a couple others, but i didn’t feel the need to call you because in my head, you had moved on totally..trust me throughout my holiday, i had stalked your face book page just to find out about your doings, i still cared, i was only deceiving myself that I had moved on....so i finally thought about it, and called you, but i missed you and i left a message, you called me too and missed me and left a message..
So i was meant to do something in your town this day, and i decide to text you to find out if you would be home, you had text me back to say you were not sure if uld be home because you had to do some registration, so i text you back saying that was fine, that as soon as i got in, ild let you know, so if you were in ild come check you up....so i got into your town i called your phone, but you didn’t pick up, i called the other girls, at least one answered me, and she said she was in your house, because that’s where she stays, so i said to her i was coming to see her, on getting there, i was just saying to her, that i had called you and you said you had to do registration, when she cut me off and exclaimed No o, that you were in, and to my amazement you were really in, lying on the couch, she probably saw my face and added that you were still going, and that you didn’t sleep throughout the night, so you were getting some sleep. I said hello to you in an excited tone, and you barely answered, not sure if you even said a word to me, for the 20 minutes i was in your house, you said nothing, you laid down on the couch pretending to be sleeping, well of course you were pretending, because you were aware your phone was ringing, but you just didn’t see any need to speak with me.


While i sat down there pulling up conversations that were unnecessary with my friend, i could feel heat in my spine, i was cold, i couldn’t believe you gave me such reception, what did i do to you?, did i kill anybody? Did i take him away from you?, kofo i am human, no matter what ever happened i still deserve to be treated like a human, you treated me like that in front of her, no you didn’t!, where is that subtleness i found in you before you became my friend and don’t even say i brought it out of you because u haven’t got a clue, i pray you never go through such rejection, trust me it is painful and very humiliating..so i left your house that day, so much going through my mind, you had made a point and proved whatever you wanted to prove to me, and yes i understood perfectly well, there is no room for me anymore, it’s time for me to pack up...and i began to accept, it started making so much sense.
So i was distressed, hurt for days, i told everyone around me about what you had done to me and they advised me never to speak with you again, they said i should delete your number from my phone, but i laughed because even if i deleted your number from my phone, it was still in my head, i knew your number like i knew my name...and moreover it was childish, i didn’t want to call you or say anything to you on your birthday, but i soon thought at least i sent you a text to say happy birthday and pray for you in it, which i did, you replied anyway, but yeah i promised never to call you again, i promised never to text or associate myself with you to prevent any further damage to my self esteem.


You made be even transfer this feeling of hurt towards the girls, i felt a gang up, they were not calling me, you guys were doing your own thing, i came on face book each time and all i saw was the girls and your sis and you doing the love thing, caring for each other, and i was sad, so i blocked you all from my page, i didn’t want all these in my face, look i was in pain, i was lonely, you all together were making me sad, you made me so hateful, horrid and selfish, it was the best option and i followed my heart. I didn’t realise it was going to kick them off my friend’s list, but oh well it did, and yeah everyone of you guys found out, i apologised to some, one of the girls spoke with me and she was understanding.
The other one has blocked me, one has refused to accept my friend request, but yeah i guess what i thought it was wasn’t really what it was, i was living in a fool’s paradise. it was just you and me in the first place, the rest just came along the line, so am not really bothered about what they think or what they care, peace to them and the middle east!...

Dear Kofo- Part 4

So this one time, my mum came over for a week or so, you and your sister were around, you were acting weird, it was so funny cause i felt like you didn’t make the efforts to loosen up towards her, maybe you were still going through stuff but i was reading meanings into everything you did...she was leaving that morning, you didn’t make efforts, your sister did run to say goodbye to her before she left but u acted like you didn’t care, i was worried, but we left for the airport. So i got back but you had gone to work, i called your sister and told her how i was feeling hoping she would speak to you or just cause i wanted to speak to someone to get answers to why you were acting the way you did, maybe i was pushing it, maybe i was forcing you to be my friend, maybe i should have let you be....Your sister said some nice things and said things that made me feel like i was the one making a fuss about everything, so i thought i had the problem...until she said “friendship changes”......what????


Ok so friendship changes...well good...i was hurting, it was eating me up, i was confused, i needed to speak with someone, i wanted you to just at least show you cared sometime, but i wasn’t getting any of that, you were moving on faster than i was, i was too slow. So this one time papi didn’t have accommodation at some point and papi was staying with him’s friend in him’s house for a while, because him travelled away for a long time, although him didn’t know that papi was staying with his friend at his house and the friend travelled and left the key with papi....so i had gone to visit papi there and i told you that i went to see papi at him’s house carelessly...only for papi to tell me that him had called asking for his keys...the first thing that came to my mind was you and i sent you a text, i said i wanted to ask if you were the one that told him that papi was staying in his house, i also mentioned that i wanted to clarify because i didn’t want any hiccups btw us anymore, u sent me a text saying no, and i apologised to you, i even came home that night and spoke with you again apologising and asking if you understood why i was asking “maybe i shouldn’t have asked, maybe i should have let go and trusted you”, but the truth was i wasn’t trusting you anymore!...


So it passed, we started the malice thing again, we were not talking, just saying stuffs like hey, hi, hello, which was very awkward..We smiled to others, we treated others with so much love, but we couldn’t to ourselves..it was getting worse, we were lost and doing little annoying things to each other that was piling up, there was no remedy anymore, am sure in our minds we knew it was dead ends....so on this day you sent me a text and said that him had said you should come and collect the keys from papi, but u dint want to do that and wanted to do the normal thing, that’s why you are telling me to go get the keys from him, because you knew it was wrong for you to go ureself....very thoughtful of you, but kofo did you hear yourself?..i wouldn’t have done that to you in a million years, what happened to us being friends and you able to tell him that he was away and it would be a wicked thing to throw someone out of a place he wasn’t staying, an empty house...at least for my sake.

It was officially on, the trust was gone, the friendship was gone, ild hate to use the word hate here, but there was no respect or even an atom of care, they were flushed down, all that surfaced was, pride, ego and anger, everyone was making it worse, gossip, poke nosing here and there just complicated things. So it was your birthday, we were not talking, your mum was around, i sent you a text at 12, gave you cards, and i had left your gift somewhere but i was gonna give it to you, i felt left alone because i was shy to join you guys, it wasn’t like before, your mum spoke to us because she noticed everything that was going on, but i guess it was too late, but yeah we still tried to speak with each other, but things had changed, it was just not happening..


I couldn’t wait any longer to move, maybe things would be much better, maybe we needed space, time to heal all wounds, maybe we needed to be apart for a while, i couldn’t wait.Your mum left, we were soon back at it, your sister was distancing herself too, she wasn’t even making efforts to make us speak, i can’t blame her though...you guys were isolating me and it was painful, think about it kofo, you had someone, i had nobody, it was painful, all those friends you always heard me talking too for so long on the phone, were just ways to get my mind off things, i was hurting...i asked my friend one day to call you up and ask you what the problem was, you told her nothing as usual, you always said nothing anytime they asked you, you said it just happened that i shut you out, and before i met you, you were quiet, i was the lively one and i made you speak out and now that i had gone quiet you had gone back into your shell, to prevent further hurt, you also said that it seemed to you i was happy because i spoke to other people and reacted differently to them than the way i did you...kofo u did the same thing, only you didn’t know...... so you were hurting as well but you were not showing it...
So one time papi’s cousin came for holiday and she had to stay at mine, i told you about it, you had said it was ok, you were nice to her “thank goodness”....you cooked for her, did every nice thing to her, often times ild be in my room and ild hear you guys chatting away, you were very loving and caring towards her but me, i was just a stranger to you. Sometimes uld leave the house without even telling me but uld tell papi’s cousin, ild even see u in town with the girls and sometimes we wud say hello or not even speak at all...... someone you just met, you had soon found yourself a new housemate, i was a ghost to you...and i did same to you too, although i did try to gather little information about you from papi’s cousin sometimes, because i still cared even though i acted like i didn’t.


So this day i had come home from school and papi’s cousin told me you were crying, that it was him that was making you cry, you heard one of those jists again and you were hurting, i obviously couldn’t do anything because we were not talking and you didn’t tell me anything, so i just hoped you were ok, some part of me hoped this was a way for us to get back talking but it couldn’t just happen, you bore them alone, when on normal circumstances, ild bear them with you, but u told papi’s cousin everything, she soon knew you more than i did, you started looking different in my eye, you looked weird, i didn’t recognise my best friend anymore, even when i said hello to you sometimes, you gave me this look, it was strange..



Almost there..just one more letter!