Friday, 20 June 2008

Flash Back

I remember when i was younger and i felt so ugly both on the inside and on the outside, especially as i grew up, i was one of those kids that never wanted to mix, was always shy, i mean looking at my baby pictures now, i was so cute, like totally and everyone loved to carry me around, but as i grew older, hmm, i had to come to terms with what the people of the world termed beauty, dressing, hairstyle, everything, insecurities about how i was percieved began to grow strong and i lost the plot......... and then this time, i had to go to secondary school and my parents Thought it a good idea to cut my hair as it would help me focus on my studies and not chase boys..RUBISH..lol

i went to one of the posh high schools you can think of in Nigeria, when the girls made thier hair or packed thier hair beautifully for socials or whatever, i had to just watch, while i was dressed in 5mins, they probably took ages..i mean it was ridiculous to put make up on or big loop earrings, with the hideous really low cut my mum and dad made sure i had before i resumed school, gosh each time i looked in the mirror, i felt so bad that i found it totally hard to mix, sometimes i would have punk on, or whatever sha, and even when i thought i had cut some fabulous hair cut, i would get to school and realise i looked funny...."ahhh mum and dad thank you o". It had a big inpact on my personality as although people looked at me like a no nonscence girl, as in the boys just never dared to mess with me..lol..but my social life was zero!

I was quiet, never went for any of thier so called parties or thier miserable awards night that you already knew who would win...hiss!..lol...when the girls were ditched by the boys or beaten especially in ss3, i laughed so hard and i was glad i was not one of the social butterflies..lol...but sometimes i just wanted the attention i won't lie...i told my self so much i was ugly!


I started to get really conscious of things as i grew older, finally my parents allowed me to start making thread in ss1, omg, they never agreed that i at least put on some xtentions, they were very principled!!!!!!!...lol,.. did i have to make thread to go to school, lol, you need to see those pictures, buhahaha!...looked like a total freak...buhahahaha!....ok so i graduated left for college, and again went to another posh college, i was just so shy and it had a lot of effect on me, i had complex, was always conscious of things around me...and what blew it for me, was the day my very close friend came to tell me that night that some girls had said the first day i walked in to college that i was ugly..omg..i cried so much and it hurt me real bad..ok they have finally comfirmed my thoughts......, yes i told myself, indeed i was not it.....i mean the clothes i wore..lol, funny they were cute to me but not acceptable by my so called "peers "...now am like whatever i was growing up, is it my fault they started using make up or knowing grown up things at the age of 3?...pulease!!..lol

I laugh when i bump into my old school mates or people from back in the days and they are like...mehn Ajike you have changed, everyone is like have you seen Ajike now?.....lol...and i laugh so hard, or when i get one of these random emails from some of my friends or guys from back in the days and they are like, babes wow, wow, you have Grown!.....hmmm...you look great. or ok, those humans that said behind my back that i was ugly have now said to me..."oh oh, you are beautiful", buhahaha......hiss!........Although i still get embarrassed when people tell me i am eventhough i know i am!!! "yes kill yourself"..lol, and that's the reason for my VANITY, yes i am very vain..but these nice words make me shy because it took me so long to believe it..........

Especially, God tells me everymorning that i am beautifully and wonderfully made, can you beat that?...any of you blogsville down for a beauty contest?..lol...i hear its blogsville idol 2008 going on right now, maybe we should do blogsville beauty 2008..lol..i know i am beginning to sound a bit eeky...but you know what read my lips or better still read my lines......."Whatever"!!!!!!!!!!..lol
Have a fab weekend guys..and i hope you feel just as beautiful as i do!...muah!

22 comments:

Standtall said...

Am I first!!! I know what u r talking about Ajike. I just wonder how parents try to prevent one thing and create another. Well sha, they dont know any better at that point. Why not just discuss sex education with the child?

I do hope you have got ur confidence back. There are times I feel low and chose not to believe in myself. No thanks to my past exprience. I have got me and I need to love me. You know what am saying.

Yes!!!! you are beautifully made.

Blogville Beauty Peagant 2008 wont be a bad either. I just dont know if some pple wld want to reveal thier identity cos how we can do this is via submission of pcitures, appointing judges and conducts some interviews for the contestants. Abi?

EkoVlog said...

Many girls with 'low-cuts' are beautiful!!!! It's gorgeous, 'cos it's as natural as u can get----But I guess back then, we didn't know any better---and you are a gorgeous girl!!!! I can't imagine how you could look ugly even without hair----Back in high school, I HATED my hips (I told you so a few days ago, haha)-----Blogsville Beauty '08 sounds great, but only for those who want to reveal their identity. I guess the anonymouses could vote :).

Minky said...

Awwww! How could your very close friend tell you such a thing!? I mean surely she must have known it was going to hurt your feelings....

I know what you mean about being slightly apprehensive when people say you are beautiful and so on! Ppl tell me they dont actually think I really realize how pretty I am and bla bla..lol. But sometimes when guys say it I start thinking along the lines of hmmmm what does this one want now! lol

Anyway yes o we are all beautifully and wonderfully made by God! I am glad you have embraced that. :)

Jarrai said...

Hey chikitoo

Girl i feel you...i never thought i was the pretty one when i was young. Actually people use to call me the smart one because i compensated by working my ass off at school.

Well now...i think i am FLY!! lol
I meet old friend and they're like , wow you look really good. I bask in the compliments...i suppose the ugly duckling can grow to be a swan

Like Minky said...we are all wonderfully made...nice post. Very upbeat

tiffanycaselady said...

Hmmm,i totally understand ur point of view, i PRETTY MUCH experienced same thing.

Its soo bad,I cant find the adjective to qualify myself as a little girl..had no hair, had legs that curve outwards at the knees(bow legs) what guys call sexy these days, had the dryest skin u could ever imagine so my skin esp legs was always looking white like we couldnt afford body cream in my house LOL.

Now i've fully blosomed into a beauty and most pple cant beleive it..God is just awesome..

Re: Blogville beauty, sounds great..hope ure not just faffing around, will remind u when the time comes..

Believer said...

Ajike honey, darling, sweety. O ti o...forget u ke? How can? I was waiting for update o...now see me no 6?? Aburo, jo, ma binu..

Thank God for confidence, for me it's a daily confession that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So are you...God made you, broke the mold...stepped back and said "Wow, this is good".

Remain blessed and have a wonderful week. For some reason I'd always assumed u were in the states till i read ur last post. Maybe we'll do lunch one of these days...remain blessed

Tairebabs said...

Well, my case was slightly different. I voluntarily agreed to have my hair cut short when I was about to enter secondary school.I was a total tom boy and hair I just couldnt be bothered with back then...but every good child deserves a lesson and I got mine. It so happened that all the girls were playing a football game and I was late. I walked up to the coach with my boy cut (proudly I might add) and asked to join the game. The very nice coach said that's very nice but you know "this game is only for girls". I hadn't even turned 11 but I completely understood allowing the ground to swallow you. lol. I grew my hair after that. Getting my parents to agree to relax my virgin hair...story for another century!

I enjoyed your post.

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLLL...

I love this post...it cracked me up but also made me smile. It took a lot of years to find out ur true beauty...thank God you know now...:)

Charizard said...

Interesting dearie...very interesting o...hmmn!!!

So u were ugly now ur fine? LOL...parents...what shall we do with them?

LG said...

fine bebe,
ur folks did right tho'
they kno' bera shey?

norin do u jare, but i nor mind seeing dos pri sch pics o,
so how e go b??????lollll

Lady Koko said...

AWWWWWWWWWWWW MY BAYBEY!!!!!!!!!!!!1WOT A STORY MENNN!!!!!!!!!1CUD FEELS THE TEARS IN MY EYES OOO!!!!!am just glad that now u see the beauty...OH MA GOSH WE HAVE SUMMIN IN COMMONM THO...I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TAKE COMPLIMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!GOSH!!!!!!!!!AM STILL LEARNING NOW....
ONE THING THO..I ALWAYS SAW U AS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON..FROM THE MOMENT U WUD ASK HW MY DAY WAS..I KNU..CORNY..BUT TRUE! HEHE...
A BUCKET FULL OF KOKO LURRRRRRRRRRRVE BEY!!!!!1GRAB UR BOWL OOO
P.S|: XOXO

Zena said...

number 11, not bad, off to read before I'm # 20 or worse

aloted said...

yes o!! u r beautifully and wonderfully made....

muah back ;)!

darkelcee said...

hmmm, low self esteem is really killing so many peeps.

i do i dentify with this post
but thank God for the realization of the fact that "no one be like me" :)

Today's ranting said...

Hmmmmm I can really relate to this.I remember how I used to look back then. I used to feel really ugly and I wouldnt even make any effort to look good. I also had low self esteem and would just keep to myself. Now I have passed that stage and I feel beautiful even though Im still discovering myself. Now when folks see me they tell me I have changed tremendously.

NaijaBabe said...

I totally relate to this. Though I cut my hair, to my mum's despair when I was in JSS3, she made me suffer the pais of not relaxing it, as it grw back. Imagine the thickness of the hair! But she was kind enough to at least let me have corn rows and not threads, that she seemed to be obsessed with.

As for school. I was the only one the boys saw as their pally. I didnt like that at first but then hanging out with them was fun, cos they were themselves, rather than faking some composure, if I were to be their babe.

Sec school mehn... I miss it o

Minky said...

Ajike you have been tagged! visit my blog for details!! :)

LG said...

Ajike- mi,i ve updated o, n i need ur help on sumn,

ba wo????

LG said...

Ehen, i m back
wat happened to SHALLY N SABIRA,
i dey vex o, n i get job 4 dem sef!!!

LG said...

Haba!!! so u neva c am????????
oya check question no. 18
n give me ur answer sharply, i fil u r d one 4 d job,

Believer said...

sweetness, how r u doing?

BlogVille Idol said...

we have unveiled 2008 blogville idol contestants check out the page to know when the competition starts and for more details and pls make sure u participate by listening and voting for your favorite contestant...pls stop by d page and show us some love!tanx