I remember when i was younger and i felt so ugly both on the inside and on the outside, especially as i grew up, i was one of those kids that never wanted to mix, was always shy, i mean looking at my baby pictures now, i was so cute, like totally and everyone loved to carry me around, but as i grew older, hmm, i had to come to terms with what the people of the world termed beauty, dressing, hairstyle, everything, insecurities about how i was percieved began to grow strong and i lost the plot......... and then this time, i had to go to secondary school and my parents Thought it a good idea to cut my hair as it would help me focus on my studies and not chase boys..RUBISH..lol
i went to one of the posh high schools you can think of in Nigeria, when the girls made thier hair or packed thier hair beautifully for socials or whatever, i had to just watch, while i was dressed in 5mins, they probably took ages..i mean it was ridiculous to put make up on or big loop earrings, with the hideous really low cut my mum and dad made sure i had before i resumed school, gosh each time i looked in the mirror, i felt so bad that i found it totally hard to mix, sometimes i would have punk on, or whatever sha, and even when i thought i had cut some fabulous hair cut, i would get to school and realise i looked funny...."ahhh mum and dad thank you o". It had a big inpact on my personality as although people looked at me like a no nonscence girl, as in the boys just never dared to mess with me..lol..but my social life was zero!
I was quiet, never went for any of thier so called parties or thier miserable awards night that you already knew who would win...hiss!..lol...when the girls were ditched by the boys or beaten especially in ss3, i laughed so hard and i was glad i was not one of the social butterflies..lol...but sometimes i just wanted the attention i won't lie...i told my self so much i was ugly!
I started to get really conscious of things as i grew older, finally my parents allowed me to start making thread in ss1, omg, they never agreed that i at least put on some xtentions, they were very principled!!!!!!!...lol,.. did i have to make thread to go to school, lol, you need to see those pictures, buhahaha!...looked like a total freak...buhahahaha!....ok so i graduated left for college, and again went to another posh college, i was just so shy and it had a lot of effect on me, i had complex, was always conscious of things around me...and what blew it for me, was the day my very close friend came to tell me that night that some girls had said the first day i walked in to college that i was ugly..omg..i cried so much and it hurt me real bad..ok they have finally comfirmed my thoughts......, yes i told myself, indeed i was not it.....i mean the clothes i wore..lol, funny they were cute to me but not acceptable by my so called "peers "...now am like whatever i was growing up, is it my fault they started using make up or knowing grown up things at the age of 3?...pulease!!..lol
I laugh when i bump into my old school mates or people from back in the days and they are like...mehn Ajike you have changed, everyone is like have you seen Ajike now?.....lol...and i laugh so hard, or when i get one of these random emails from some of my friends or guys from back in the days and they are like, babes wow, wow, you have Grown!.....hmmm...you look great. or ok, those humans that said behind my back that i was ugly have now said to me..."oh oh, you are beautiful", buhahaha......hiss!........Although i still get embarrassed when people tell me i am eventhough i know i am!!! "yes kill yourself"..lol, and that's the reason for my VANITY, yes i am very vain..but these nice words make me shy because it took me so long to believe it..........
Especially, God tells me everymorning that i am beautifully and wonderfully made, can you beat that?...any of you blogsville down for a beauty contest?..lol...i hear its blogsville idol 2008 going on right now, maybe we should do blogsville beauty 2008..lol..i know i am beginning to sound a bit eeky...but you know what read my lips or better still read my lines......."Whatever"!!!!!!!!!!..lol
Have a fab weekend guys..and i hope you feel just as beautiful as i do!...muah!