Monday, 30 June 2008

I don't know but just quite recently, i have yet again been feeling a bit skeptical about so many things, may be, what if?, am not in the right just so confused right now, i seemto get a bit confused and feel like something will go wrong the next minute and i am drained and so sad!!!

i get this mixed emotion, like am happy this minute and sad the next, not quite sure what exactly i fear but am just confused.ok my thoughts:

feels like, everyday am worried that, i might upset God in a way and he would turn his back or keep a distance, the constant need to speak the truth at all times and not tell a lie without feeling guilty or i have to forgive this person despite the horrible things they have done to me just cos am meant to love my neighbour as myself.i mean i feel like God expects so much from us and i can't keep up with it..i pray for the grace everyday but it feels like i keep asking for forgiveness everyminute. and this discourages me...

hmm, at the beginning of this year, i was complaining about not having enough friends that i could count on, ok now its July and am like , they are just so many now and i have to keep them satisfied..eventhough you can't satisfy everyone at the same time, but thats the point i hate getting people upset, cos this guilt of not being at peace with someone keeps bugging just not sure...ok are they real friends or just aquaintances, who knows?..when things are bad will they stick around?....i mean i feel like i spend more time pleasing my friends than actually pleasing me, is that a good thing......

what if he wakes up one morning, and he tells me he is sorry.......sorry about what?, sorry he can't be with me anymore?...what will happen...well nothing?, except that i will be very hurt..ok so is he the one? i really sure he is who he is and not living a double life.....u never know these things, i think i need to stop watching too many home movies..especially nigerian ones, cos now am getting scared!!!....

am i in the right part?...i hope am not doing this just because ma and pa wants me to do it...what if thats not what i want to do, do i even want to settle down in Nigeria self, do i even know what i stand to gain by moving back finally in February!!!...hmmmm...ok i think o, i think i want to be a chattered accountant but am just wandering why i can't think of anything else to do, maybe am just too lazy!!!!

why must i be prudent in my spending, why can't i afford to buy whatever it is i want?...why can't i go into my account everyday of my life and find money in there at all times and able to meet all my various needs?, why must there be a credit crunch?, why do i need to go through some hard times at some certain periods self....

Taken for granted
i feel like sometimes people take my kindness for a weakness, i feel like people just want and want and want and they never want to give back..i thought life was give and take...all the time, people want you to always be available whenever they need you, but they are so busy and uptight when you need them..why?....i think am going to have to learn to start saying no, regardless of what it might cost me!!!...although we are meant to do things for people not expecting back but why?????.........

so many people are dieing this year and it scares the living day light out of me, i really don't know what ild do, if i lose someone so dear to me, i don't even want to call names, cos the thought of it alone leaves me traumatised...Jesus take the wheel

Don't really know if i want to do this anymore?...i mean i have met wonderful people on here, but are they real?..or am i just deceived bymere people actually add thier two kobo advice just because they want you to visit thier blog, or do they comment because they see your point and want to encourage you...i mean i don't know, i might be chatting gibberish but these are my thoughts....

i just wanna go home jo...countdown to 9ja has begone, i think i need a change of environment!!!!



ThePerfectionist said...

1. Spirituality - God doesn't expect more from us than we are capable of, really.

2. You can only be the best friend possible and hope to get the same in return. This life is funny.... some people are bound to hurt you, but at the same time, some are bound to be a blessing.

3. Partner - Just pray to God! :-). I've gotten paranoid too, not from watching movies, but from everyday stories of friends.

4. Career - If you can't think of anything else to do, well MAYBE it's because your interest lies in Accountancy and it's what you're meant to do.

5. If you had all the money in the world, do you think it'll really be enough?

6. Taken-for-grantedness - Life's just unfair, lol! Some of us are weak, others are stronger . . . . . do your best n leave the rest I guess. But never expect anything back (because you'll never get it)

7. Death - I knooow! I just got news an hour ago, two girls that I know and their mom died in a car crash. What's their father to do now? I'm really scared as well, I just can't handle it.

8. Don't goooooooooo!

Jarrai said...

Hey Sweery!!

Girl don't worry too much about life, i was like this a few weeks ago and was literally just having sleepless nights. One morning i woke up and just more of this. I decided to just forget what i didn't have and appreciated what i had. And it did me a whole of good. I prayed about it and the load i was carrying feels a lot lighter

You will be fine, you're a wonderful person. Just be you and the rest will fall into place....

Big hugs xxx

AJIKE said...

@ the perfectionist...@ no 2 u r a blessing!!!...thanx a great deal...ild let it pass, been so down all day, eventhogh ive tried all i can....anyhoo...muah

@ jarria...thanx honey...should i say that prayer has become so hard for me to do now,cos it just gets..i dnt know how to put it, but am sure ild be fine...thanx sweets

AJIKE said...

and oh, at the perfectionist...r u serious about the girls and thier mum in a car crash...chei..may thier soul rest in perfect peace..hmm

Jaycee said...

One thing I can say is that finding the answers for some of these questions is actually important...

But not all of them have answers right now...some answers will come to you later. But cracking ur brain to find all the answers right now won't do u much good...commit everything into God's hands and let Him give you sweet sleep...:)

Believer said...

Hi Ajike, I agree with jaycee in that there is nothing wrong with having questions. I don't have answers but I believe for most of them they will come as you go along. For spirituality, it's about grace. A relationship with God is not about rules and regulations, sometimes it's not easy to take the higher way but God will give us the grace. As for friends and relationships, if I've learnt anything in the past week it's that it's the testing that determines the strength of the relationship. You don't know how strong a chair is until Yokozuna sits on it! I wouldn't worry about it too much, keep sowing into and strengthening the relationships you are in. Pray and ask God to hold your hand as you go on the 'walk' of life. You may face disappointment, you may face sad days, you may fail at some points but He will always be with you. You will also be successful, you will also enjoy breakthrough, you will also have reasons to rejoice and He will still be there celebrating with you. So put a smile on your face because IT IS WELL WITH YOU.
This is almost becoming a post but we are here for you. You are blessed

Believer said...

N.B Please don't stop blogging. I love the honesty and open ness I feel on these pages. Also, there might be a 'credit crunch' but you serve a God who is more than able to supply your needs

aloted said...

ajike dear..pele ..i can say for myself that i have felt this way more than once in my life and it can be very depressing. One thing i know is when u are in such moods u shldn't try to analyse ur life or things cuz you'll see it from a doomed perspective...

the lord is ur strength ok and remember he will not let u go thru more than u can handle...

And as for blogging..even though we haven't met physcially I have been blessed by u..and if u leave u will be grately missed...dunno about other bloggers o but I am for real and I believe you are also.

This too shall pass!

Standtall said...

Mi-lady, just relax and calm down. Do you want me to tell you how worry I get about a lot of things?

I do conclude that no matter what, God loves me and I wil ltry to love him and do what is right. When I derail, I feel bad and ask for His grace.

DO not stop blogging!!! Quiters don't last but you ain't one!!!

You can really plan out everyting and manage you finances one way or the other. See what you can do to make money.

Be nice to all but keep only good friends. wink****

Mommy said...

You have to think positive sweery. Think positive.
Take care.

Jarrai said...

Sending you positive energy....grab it girl. Now, does that feel better....good good good

Hope ur feeling a little less worried hun xx

30+ said...

Here my cry o Lord attend unto my prayer, from the ends of the earth will I cry unto you

And when my heart is overwhelmed please lead me to the Rock that is higher than I

Don't know if you know that song but it is in Psalm 61 v 1-2

Seems your heart is overwhelmed right now so that song should be in your mouth.

Anonymous said...

I feel you on all your points!

We all go through these periods of doubts & difficulties that really make us question our life. Just see them as lessons to make you a stronger and better person.

People will come & go, you'll go through things that will test your faith. But fear not dear because God is always on your side, just keep praying. Everything happens for a reason it will be well with you!

Plz dont stop blogging o! You may not know it but you are an inspirational person.

ThePerfectionist said...

Your blog inspires me. I've learned a great deal from you . . . . . as much as you may not realise it. You can't leave just yet, there are loads of us who need you around.

Free-flowing Florida said...

hmmm. i can see u r @ dat time of d month! don't let it bug u, dear. it's something we all go 2ru every once n a while. just seek balance & u'd b fine! *kisses*

Jaycee said...

Remember ur post:

aloted said...

hi girl...feeling better now?? hope so..wats ur email address pls.

AJIKE said...

awww thanks so much all, i really appreciate, i feel a lot better with all your encouraging words..thank u, thank u...and God bless u guys really!!!

Jaycee lol...thanks, ild go and look at it again and remind myself

@free flowing..yes o, its that time i guess, or rather was, i think am a lot better now...kisses to u too hun!!!

@ 30+. thanks a lot, i know that song actually.....

@ minky..dear thanks a great deal. yes indeed its a phase, this too shall grateful

@aloted..sweetie..yeah kind of, i think i feel a bit better...thanks dear for looking email addy is"ignore the slybabe o"i opened it long time ago..buhahahaha

@ jarria, what would i do without u ehn?...i have grabbed it....kisses hun...catch it too

@ the perfectionist..thanks sweets, i really appreciate...i wont stop, at least not just yet, you guys have showed me a reason to stay..thanks

@ mommy...thank you, ild stay positive from now on!!!!...muah one and only...i know i worry a lot, its something i need to stop doing, but i guess ild ask for more grace and like u also said about quitting..ild keep that in mind ose dear

@ believer...honey, thanks so much, lol at ure saying it turned out to be a post..buhahahaha....anyhoo am much better, i guess i was just fraustrated and the thoughts started coming through....yes i have put a smile on my face o!...indeed it is well
cyberhugs and kisses!!!

LG said...

hmmm ajike, wat can i say dat has not been written here????? *sighs*
swerry jus continue to keep ur head up, IT IS WELL n u cant stop blogging o, or who ll give us atomic iso'
*wide grin*

BTW u ve been tagged, oya dash to my blog for details, i kno u ll like it


AJIKE said...

buhahaha....lg o ti wa so mi di oni so abi???
hmmmm, lg!!!!!
thanks dear, am off to ure zones!!!i hope its something great!!!

Allied said...

We worry when we try to come up with solutions ourselves. Leave it to God. I want you to know that 95% of the things we worry about never happen.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Wow. I have not read a post this honest in a long while:
1. On Spirituality: God looks at our hearts. He will never give us more than we can bear, and as for as many times that we fall, we can get back up again. It discourages me too, when it seems like I hav to keep asking God for forgivness-but I know that it is by grace that I am reedemed.
2. On Friends: There are friends. And there are acquaintances, and those who stick around when the going is good. Never confuse them.
A person with 2-3 real friends-is blessed.
3.On Partner: Yeah, stop watching Nigerian movies
4. On the Career: Maybe its time to step back and assess what your really passionate about...
5. On Finance: Delayed gratification pays off!
6. On taken for granted: Never get tired of doing good. On the other hand-one of the best things Iv learned thus far-is how to just say NO!This is when it takes discernment..
7. Death: Just worry about Life for now.
8. Blogging: I often wonder the same thing. There r some people who just stop by and say things like : Nice, Great Post!etc..and I know they havent read jack but just want me to visit their post. On the the other hand, there are amazing people on here. I feel like I know some of the people on here...its crazy. You can just tell a person from his/her words...I wouldnt trade blogging for anything!
ON EVERYTHIN: Stop worrying. The things you worry about may or may not happen. Your worrying will not do anything to change that!

Manda said...

one step at a tyme gurl... with God u gat no worries cos he's da ultimate problem solver!


I'm new but from all dese comments and wat i've read on ur blog, I wish u wouldn't stop being d inspirational blogger dat u are. Stay with us!

Charizard said...

Quarter life crisis if u ask me...

Ajike...mio ti e mo nkan ti maa so fun e...jeka soro fb...

Standtall said...

NigeriaDramaQueen is right about you stop watching Nigeria Movies or you stop taking to heart what it is you watch. I hate what they depict in those movies too

AJIKE said...

@ allied..i have left it to God, infact i feel a bit better now..thanx swwets

@ naija dram queen, thanx for stopping by, welcome here too, i agree with u so much on the career one jare...and one can help but wonder sometimes..thanks a lot babes

@Manda darl..thank u, really and truely its God and no one else...thanx for stopping by

@someone elses life....thanx for ure kind means a lot to know that u want me to stay..welcome here too, am off to ures!

@ sexy so we see am o..i just dey mehn..when i catch u on facebook we wud chat..hope u r great though?

@stand sister i think ild stop true wa pa?

Lady Koko said...

KOKO LURRRRRRRRRRVES YOU( I hope that counts for something!)