Dear Kofo-part 5

So i finally moved to the city, it was weird, so weird, i moved in with papi because he was my rock at that time, i was still hurting, everything was strange, i was confused, so this was it, you were no longer with me, we had really parted ways, we didn’t say a word to each other for weeks and weeks, no calls, no texts, no contacts, ild speak for myself i was missing you badly, i was itching to call you but i had to control myself because i was scared uld hurt me some more...so i did text u after a while, u replied, after a while i just decided to leave u alone because you were acting strange...so it was my birthday, i was planning this little get together thing, i invited everyone, but i didn’t invite you and your sister because i mean we had not spoken for like how many months, maybe i should have but yeah i didn’t want to hear sorry i can’t make it...so obviously you had speculated because the people i invited lived with you.


My friend calls me the day before my birthday insisting i called you because you had been at her place almost the whole day, she said you came to drop my gift and card, first of all i was upset you came to the city and didn’t stop by *ok yes after what i had done, fair enough*, secondly how could you have dropped my gift and card in a friend’s house, what does that say? To me it said a lot, i told my friend that you felt obliged to do so because i did same on your birthday even when we were not speaking, so you had to do it too or ok “am sure u have your reasons”.....so my birthday came, you called me and i was happy to speak with you, i also stressed that i was sorry i didn’t invite you because of the whole tension, and asked if you still could make it, but yeah i was expecting you to say no even, although your excuse was you had to work...fair enough!


After then, we just somehow one way or the other started calling each other again, at least to find out little things and besides you had graduated, so you wanted to come and do the same thing i was doing too, i was excited, cause your school was so close to mine, we saw each other on the same days we had lectures and we had fun, it felt almost like old times, you even said to me one day that you didn’t mind coming to stay at mine to be attending lectures, i wasn’t too pleased with that because i didn’t want us to take that route again...i even did not tell you papi was living with me so you couldn’t come, but i didn’t need to...i guess we never just spoke about it anymore, so that went aside, but we were soon becoming close again, i mean we felt the need to tell each other each time we were in school and made it a ritual to hang out...your sister soon started speaking with me too and it was all rosy..We were not as close but we were friends..
So we hadn’t seen each other for a while now because we didn’t have lectures, but when we saw each other, you particularly was excited and you screamed in a very witty way, u said you had missed me, a bit awkward but i was happy you said that, it made me feel so happy, because it was genuine, and yes i had missed you too in fact more than you could imagine.

I went home for Christmas, you were supposed to go, don’t know what happened, i had been to yours the day before i went, we all had fun with the other girls, i felt like a stranger in your midst but it was ok...and you promised to call in the morning on my way to the airport, but you didn’t..fair enough!..so i was home, i called you this day, maybe you were tired or whatever, but you didn’t sound too pleased, i was confused, but you said you would save my number and call me, but you didn’t. So i went on face book and got a message from you that said you wanted me to send my number again, that you had swapped Sims and in the process misplaced my number, not sure if that was the truth, but i was upset and i din’t reply, i was stupid, maybe i thought we were still best friends and expected more, i forgot in your sisters words “friendship had changed”.
I didn’t call you anymore, i was home for almost three months, yes i was wrong, i admit, i got back and i still didn’t call you, i had called a couple others, but i didn’t feel the need to call you because in my head, you had moved on totally..trust me throughout my holiday, i had stalked your face book page just to find out about your doings, i still cared, i was only deceiving myself that I had moved on....so i finally thought about it, and called you, but i missed you and i left a message, you called me too and missed me and left a message..
So i was meant to do something in your town this day, and i decide to text you to find out if you would be home, you had text me back to say you were not sure if uld be home because you had to do some registration, so i text you back saying that was fine, that as soon as i got in, ild let you know, so if you were in ild come check you up....so i got into your town i called your phone, but you didn’t pick up, i called the other girls, at least one answered me, and she said she was in your house, because that’s where she stays, so i said to her i was coming to see her, on getting there, i was just saying to her, that i had called you and you said you had to do registration, when she cut me off and exclaimed No o, that you were in, and to my amazement you were really in, lying on the couch, she probably saw my face and added that you were still going, and that you didn’t sleep throughout the night, so you were getting some sleep. I said hello to you in an excited tone, and you barely answered, not sure if you even said a word to me, for the 20 minutes i was in your house, you said nothing, you laid down on the couch pretending to be sleeping, well of course you were pretending, because you were aware your phone was ringing, but you just didn’t see any need to speak with me.


While i sat down there pulling up conversations that were unnecessary with my friend, i could feel heat in my spine, i was cold, i couldn’t believe you gave me such reception, what did i do to you?, did i kill anybody? Did i take him away from you?, kofo i am human, no matter what ever happened i still deserve to be treated like a human, you treated me like that in front of her, no you didn’t!, where is that subtleness i found in you before you became my friend and don’t even say i brought it out of you because u haven’t got a clue, i pray you never go through such rejection, trust me it is painful and very humiliating..so i left your house that day, so much going through my mind, you had made a point and proved whatever you wanted to prove to me, and yes i understood perfectly well, there is no room for me anymore, it’s time for me to pack up...and i began to accept, it started making so much sense.
So i was distressed, hurt for days, i told everyone around me about what you had done to me and they advised me never to speak with you again, they said i should delete your number from my phone, but i laughed because even if i deleted your number from my phone, it was still in my head, i knew your number like i knew my name...and moreover it was childish, i didn’t want to call you or say anything to you on your birthday, but i soon thought at least i sent you a text to say happy birthday and pray for you in it, which i did, you replied anyway, but yeah i promised never to call you again, i promised never to text or associate myself with you to prevent any further damage to my self esteem.


You made be even transfer this feeling of hurt towards the girls, i felt a gang up, they were not calling me, you guys were doing your own thing, i came on face book each time and all i saw was the girls and your sis and you doing the love thing, caring for each other, and i was sad, so i blocked you all from my page, i didn’t want all these in my face, look i was in pain, i was lonely, you all together were making me sad, you made me so hateful, horrid and selfish, it was the best option and i followed my heart. I didn’t realise it was going to kick them off my friend’s list, but oh well it did, and yeah everyone of you guys found out, i apologised to some, one of the girls spoke with me and she was understanding.
The other one has blocked me, one has refused to accept my friend request, but yeah i guess what i thought it was wasn’t really what it was, i was living in a fool’s paradise. it was just you and me in the first place, the rest just came along the line, so am not really bothered about what they think or what they care, peace to them and the middle east!...