Dear Kofo- Part 4

So this one time, my mum came over for a week or so, you and your sister were around, you were acting weird, it was so funny cause i felt like you didn’t make the efforts to loosen up towards her, maybe you were still going through stuff but i was reading meanings into everything you did...she was leaving that morning, you didn’t make efforts, your sister did run to say goodbye to her before she left but u acted like you didn’t care, i was worried, but we left for the airport. So i got back but you had gone to work, i called your sister and told her how i was feeling hoping she would speak to you or just cause i wanted to speak to someone to get answers to why you were acting the way you did, maybe i was pushing it, maybe i was forcing you to be my friend, maybe i should have let you be....Your sister said some nice things and said things that made me feel like i was the one making a fuss about everything, so i thought i had the problem...until she said “friendship changes”......what????


Ok so friendship changes...well good...i was hurting, it was eating me up, i was confused, i needed to speak with someone, i wanted you to just at least show you cared sometime, but i wasn’t getting any of that, you were moving on faster than i was, i was too slow. So this one time papi didn’t have accommodation at some point and papi was staying with him’s friend in him’s house for a while, because him travelled away for a long time, although him didn’t know that papi was staying with his friend at his house and the friend travelled and left the key with papi....so i had gone to visit papi there and i told you that i went to see papi at him’s house carelessly...only for papi to tell me that him had called asking for his keys...the first thing that came to my mind was you and i sent you a text, i said i wanted to ask if you were the one that told him that papi was staying in his house, i also mentioned that i wanted to clarify because i didn’t want any hiccups btw us anymore, u sent me a text saying no, and i apologised to you, i even came home that night and spoke with you again apologising and asking if you understood why i was asking “maybe i shouldn’t have asked, maybe i should have let go and trusted you”, but the truth was i wasn’t trusting you anymore!...


So it passed, we started the malice thing again, we were not talking, just saying stuffs like hey, hi, hello, which was very awkward..We smiled to others, we treated others with so much love, but we couldn’t to ourselves..it was getting worse, we were lost and doing little annoying things to each other that was piling up, there was no remedy anymore, am sure in our minds we knew it was dead ends....so on this day you sent me a text and said that him had said you should come and collect the keys from papi, but u dint want to do that and wanted to do the normal thing, that’s why you are telling me to go get the keys from him, because you knew it was wrong for you to go ureself....very thoughtful of you, but kofo did you hear yourself?..i wouldn’t have done that to you in a million years, what happened to us being friends and you able to tell him that he was away and it would be a wicked thing to throw someone out of a place he wasn’t staying, an empty house...at least for my sake.

It was officially on, the trust was gone, the friendship was gone, ild hate to use the word hate here, but there was no respect or even an atom of care, they were flushed down, all that surfaced was, pride, ego and anger, everyone was making it worse, gossip, poke nosing here and there just complicated things. So it was your birthday, we were not talking, your mum was around, i sent you a text at 12, gave you cards, and i had left your gift somewhere but i was gonna give it to you, i felt left alone because i was shy to join you guys, it wasn’t like before, your mum spoke to us because she noticed everything that was going on, but i guess it was too late, but yeah we still tried to speak with each other, but things had changed, it was just not happening..


I couldn’t wait any longer to move, maybe things would be much better, maybe we needed space, time to heal all wounds, maybe we needed to be apart for a while, i couldn’t wait.Your mum left, we were soon back at it, your sister was distancing herself too, she wasn’t even making efforts to make us speak, i can’t blame her though...you guys were isolating me and it was painful, think about it kofo, you had someone, i had nobody, it was painful, all those friends you always heard me talking too for so long on the phone, were just ways to get my mind off things, i was hurting...i asked my friend one day to call you up and ask you what the problem was, you told her nothing as usual, you always said nothing anytime they asked you, you said it just happened that i shut you out, and before i met you, you were quiet, i was the lively one and i made you speak out and now that i had gone quiet you had gone back into your shell, to prevent further hurt, you also said that it seemed to you i was happy because i spoke to other people and reacted differently to them than the way i did you...kofo u did the same thing, only you didn’t know...... so you were hurting as well but you were not showing it...
So one time papi’s cousin came for holiday and she had to stay at mine, i told you about it, you had said it was ok, you were nice to her “thank goodness”....you cooked for her, did every nice thing to her, often times ild be in my room and ild hear you guys chatting away, you were very loving and caring towards her but me, i was just a stranger to you. Sometimes uld leave the house without even telling me but uld tell papi’s cousin, ild even see u in town with the girls and sometimes we wud say hello or not even speak at all...... someone you just met, you had soon found yourself a new housemate, i was a ghost to you...and i did same to you too, although i did try to gather little information about you from papi’s cousin sometimes, because i still cared even though i acted like i didn’t.


So this day i had come home from school and papi’s cousin told me you were crying, that it was him that was making you cry, you heard one of those jists again and you were hurting, i obviously couldn’t do anything because we were not talking and you didn’t tell me anything, so i just hoped you were ok, some part of me hoped this was a way for us to get back talking but it couldn’t just happen, you bore them alone, when on normal circumstances, ild bear them with you, but u told papi’s cousin everything, she soon knew you more than i did, you started looking different in my eye, you looked weird, i didn’t recognise my best friend anymore, even when i said hello to you sometimes, you gave me this look, it was strange..



Almost there..just one more letter!